19 - Deep Talks and Real Feelings

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"And then she just walked away! Like what, what is that? Who does that? Twice!"

Ally and Trinity shook their heads. They were sitting in their dorm while Lauren laid on Ally's bed with a hand over her face reiterating her night to the two girls.

"I mean... she just walked away again." She whispered. "It hurts." The brunette paused to take a deep breath.

"That's not even it either!" She sighed and pulled her hand down her face. "Lucy texted me and was apparently going to surprise me at my dorm and saw the whole thing." This made the other two shoot their eyebrows up. "You know what she did? She kissed me and left too! So no doubt it's cause she's mad or jealous or whatever." There was silence for a bit. Both girls gathering their thoughts and trying to make sense of the situation.

"I don't even know anymore."

Ally took a deep breath. "Well... what do you want? It sounds like Camila's confused but seriously all the stuff she does indicates that she likes you. But-"

"But she keeps going back to Austin! What's so great about Austin? Sure he's rich, his family has money and whatever. Maybe that's it though. He's all bright lights, glamour, city life and everything most girls dream of. But he treats her horribly. I seriously don't understand why she's with him some days. I mean I do because we've talked about stuff but she just can't get out of her own head and leave him."

Trinity nodded her head. "Right. But it also seems like Lucy likes you. So are you going to try with her or sit here and wait for Camila and hope she actually feels the same?"

Lauren curled into a ball and groaned. "I don't know. They're both great, you know? I just, I just don't know."

Ally got up and moved to the bed Lauren was on, laying a hand on the brunette's knee. "Well, we don't judge here so talk this out. Who do you have a connection with, what do you feel? Just get it all out." Lauren was silent for a minute and the two girls were worried that she clammed up.

"I love Camila." She sat up suddenly and looked around. "I mean I like Lucy, I really do. She's great, funny, nice, we can talk about all sorts of things, and she's really smart all over. I just... I don't know."

"Spit it out, Lauren."

The brunette sighed. "I like her, I really do. I just don't know if I feel like we'd make it in the long run, ya know? We have some similar interests but I feel bad because I don't really understand and could kind of care less about the history of China or whatever she decides to go on about. I still listen and really try don't get me wrong. But I know that when I talk about my mixing stuff she tries but it doesn't really click with her and it's okay, I don't mind. And I know that having our own things is good, but if we can't talk to each other about our passions, how would that even work? Like we can talk about a lot of stuff and it's enjoyable but I always feel like there's a piece missing." By the end she was just rambling to get it all out.

They were quiet for a minute, Ally was racking her brain for some sort of insight.

"What about Camila?" Trinity said softly.

Lauren looked up at her. "Camila." She breathed. "I, I love her. She's my best friend really. She gets my music stuff or at least has input in a majority of it. We don't have to talk to know what we're feeling a lot of the time. Well except lately, she's been confusing. But she makes my heart jump every time I see her and I swear to God if someone doesn't contain the cage of butterflies in my stomach I'll probably end up losing it one of these days. I just... I think things would be so different if she wasn't with Austin. But even so, I don't know if she even likes me or not. She's kissed me twice and ran away, then said nothing or wrote it off. I can't take it." She paused for a moment. "And I feel terrible because I like Lucy, I really do. But I can't get past this or past Camila long enough to ask her out to see if it would work or anything and I don't know why. It's not fair to her."

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