I don't like being seen as weak, or well to be honest- I don't like anyone seeing my emotions. It was easy to put a shield up, because they were my emotions I didn't have to nor was I ever going to- show them to others.
So right now, being all nervous and stuttering was killing me.
"Addison are you stupid?" Ethan snapped at me, staring at me like any sane person would stare at a stuttering mess.
"I well, just no." I frowned. Oh yes Addy, that was smooth.
Ethan's face dropped, to a dry expression. "Is that no to you aren' stupid or no to you don't want to go back. Addison it isn't a hard question, do you want to go back to hell now?"
Sure it wasn't a hard question, but it was hard to answer when he looked so damn attractive. Why hadn't I noticed how good looking he was before? His enchanting features were, throwing me off. I had been struggling to talk to him all night.
The more I thought about him, the more I was lusting after him. This was flipping insane!
Ethan was gripping my shoulders, his face completely frustrated. "Would you stop spacing out!"
"Sorry." I stuttered.
"Ok, that's it. What is wrong?" Ethan's eyes narrowed, and for some reason it was making the fluttering in my stomach increase.
"Nothing." I choked out. I really had to pull myself together. "Um, yep let's head back."
"Say that without sounding like a choked up monkey."
"Hilarous." I bit back at him, swallowing some of the nerves.Not knowing what to do, I started walking in long strides, up the foot path. The sooner we got to hell, the better. Because Ethan will want to get away from me, and I can have some time to process my nerves.
"Addy where are you going?"
I spun around to look at Ethan, who had one eyebrow arched.
"Last time I checked, we don't walk to back to hell?" Ethan stuided me closely, then slowly reached a hand out in my direction "Come on."
Well that made me look more stupid then needed. "Right." I muttered under my breath, and did a shame walk back to him. I gritted my teeth when I took his hand, this was just my luck.
"Don't look so happy to be touching me." Ethan's tone was bitter. I looked up into his eyes, and noticed the hurt in them. I opened my mouth to explain, but the vision around me twisted and turned before I could.
I landed in hell, my butt hitting the floor hard. I looked up for Ethan, but he wasn't here. I noticed the doors swinging slightly. Shit. I got up from the ground quickly, and ran after him. He was already half way up the corridor by the time I opened the door.
"ETHAN WAIT!" I shouted after him. Like the stubborn man he was, he didn't. He most likely thought I didn't care about him, or worst that I was angry at him or even worse than that- I was disgusted by him.
"ETHAN!" I panicked and sprinted after him.
I gripped his arm as tightly as possible and made him stop. "Ethan, would you just-"
"What?" his face was dry, no expression.
"I, well, before." Stuttering Addy is back. I gritt my teeth tightly. I wasn't making this situation better. "Ethan I am sorry."
His expression didn't change, though he did cross his arms. Which I took as a bad sign, his defensive attidute was killing me.
"I'm not like you know?" Really Addy, I slapped my forehead. "Ethan, look I will be straight with you."
That was going to be hard to do.
"With a stutter?" Ethan arched an eyebrow.
"How about I just do it for you?" Ethan's face exploded with anger "You are so scared of me, that you can't even string a sentence together."
"Come on Addison, you can't even hold my hand." He went to side step me, but I blocked him quickly.
"That isn't the truth." I placed my hands up in the air to explain. "I just need to know, why? Why did you look after me for so many years?"
"Clearly I didn't look after you- you're here."
I hadn’t even thought of that. Stumped, I lost my words. Suddenly more questions floated to my mind. If he was looking after me, why was I here? But the guilt in his eyes told me that he was keeping something else from me.
“Well, you must have had a reason.” I finally said, “For letting me come here.”
Ethan scoffed angrily at himself. “Move Addison.”
I side stepped him again. Had he caused me to be here? Was I here because of him? Surely not…right? But he must of seen the debate in my eyes, because his face went hard quickly.
“You can hate me all you want, just move already.” His anger seemed to sky rocket within a minute.
“I don’t hate you!” I pushed my black hair to the side, so he could see my face clearly. “Really Ethan I don’t, why would I?”
“It’s my fault you’re here.” He looked darkly at me, “It’s my fault you’re dead.”
Suddenly the lust I felt for him was beginning to disappear, and bitterness was rushing up my throat.
“How?” I stepped closer to him, “Tell me Ethan, what you did?”
His dark misty eyes, hid every emotion from me now, all I could see was darkness and for the first time since I met him. I was actually scared of him.
“Does it really matter? I can’t undo it, death is final.” He side stepped me quickly and I didn’t even bother to try to stop or follow him. Shock was rushing through my system. If I wasn’t meant to be here, if I wasn’t meant to be dead and it was Ethan’s fault I was here then…. He had caused my life to end short.
Suddenly I felt robbed.