(Trigger warning.)
(Please never hurt yourself loves. I don't know what you are all going through. But if you ever. EVER. Need someone to talk to my message box is always open. I love you guys so much. Hope y'all like it.)
It hurt. It hurt a lot. I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to ignore them. It just got worse and worse. One would say one thing and another would say something else.
I felt so lonely.
When I'd try to let someone in. It would always be the wrong person. That person would always and I mean always hurt me or back stab me in the back.
I lost the one person. The one person I could talk to. The one person I could trust with anything I would tell that person. She left. She left me alone. I could of called her band mates who were also my friends. But if my best friend the one I knew my whole life left me what makes you think three girls I met three years ago would be there for me.
She left to chase her dreams even though she was already living her dream. She chose to leave.
Now I was alone.
Alone and hurt.
Slut just end it.
No one wants you.
No one has no one ever will.
You're just a waste of space.
Sluts like you don't deserve to be here.
Those were only some of the things people said to me at school. They whisper when I walk by. They laugh and throw things at me. They push and shove me around. Funny thing is they call me a slut, when I haven't even had my first kiss yet.
My parents don't know about any of this. They have been enough problems as it is. I don't need to pile up on them.
Maybe they're right, the kids at school. Maybe I should just end it. I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. Maybe I should just go to sleep and never wake up. It would so much easier. Maybe it's for the best.
I walked faster as I wiped my tears away. I was heading home early. Kids at school decided to be 'funny' and...I don't want to talk about it.
I came to a stop once I saw the familiar house. The house I used to go to. Normani's house. She was the one I was talking about. She's my best friend well, she was. I felt my tears build up even more.
I quickly made my way home. Once I got there no one was home which was perfect. If I wanted to do this. I ran up stairs.
I locked my room door once I got there. I walked into the bathroom that was in my room filling up the tub. As it was filling I took out three pieces of paper. One for parents, one for the girls and one for Normani. If she ever decides to come back.
I looked down at the tub that the water was full I shut the it off and took off my clothes only leaving me in my sports bra and my Nike pros. I put the the letters in the envelope with their names on it three separate envelopes.
I took a hold up my blade. I looked down at both of my arms to see old and new scars that I had. I sat in the tub. The water was cold but I didn't care.
I took a deep breath with tears streaming down my cheeks. I brought the blade to one of my arms and made one long and deep cut one my left and did the same with the the other. I set the blade down letting the blood gush out.
I looked down at the water that was once clear turn red. I slid down down going under water and letting all my problems go away.
I don't have to worry about anything now.
