Day Three: Your Ex
Dear Morgan,
Why don’t we start at the beginning huh? Because I think that’s the best way to go.
It was the night of the dance, a school social and my school was invited by your school. Seeing as I was only 16, I was so hyped up about it, and when I finally got there you sucked me in I guess. I don’t know what it was about you, your eyes, your attitude, your looks, but I remember feeling this weird attraction to you.
We spent that night playing cat and mouse, you’d constantly try to get me to dance with you, and I would keep running away from you, always finding someone else to dance with. But I knew that by the end of the night you’d get me, and I was right. You had this aura of complete danger about you, and I found it alluring, irresistible. I mean I’d never even gone out with a guy before, well apart from Matt, but we never did anything apart from holding hands, and in a time span of one hour, you’d managed to steal a kiss; my first kiss.
We exchanged numbers and I remember feeling so happy that I actually met you, and that I had a chance with you. I mean not just happy, but full on elated. You called me two days later and asked me out, I said yes, practically bursting at the seams from my happiness. I mean it’s not every day that Morgan J******* asks you out, and you knew it.
You took me to the movies and dinner, and again you stole a kiss from me. You were sweet and kind, absolutely amazing, everything I could ever ask for a in a guy. I think it was after the third date that you asked me to be your girl, you won’t believe how happy I felt that day, I mean even my best friend struggled to keep me from jumping up and down.
It was all going smoothly for a month, and then it was after that first month that everything started to go downhill. You’d take me out on dates and pull me into the bathrooms, getting touchy, this made me so unbelievably uncomfortable, but I never said anything because I didn’t want to be dumped, I was naïve, only thinking about my reputation and popularity.
It only got worse, much worse, and all the time I never said anything to anyone. I’d get bruises on my thighs from when you gripped me too hard. But I never gave into you, never gave you what you so truly wanted to take from me. I’d come home crying sometimes, I mean I never expected you to actually do any of this.
I guess you finally had enough though, because you dumped me not long after, in front of your friends. You don’t know how much that hurt, how much it really got to me, everything you said had a voice of truth behind it, to me at least.
I was a wreck for a while, never really going back to my normal self, I still had scars from you, ingrained in my head. But I guess I had friends who helped me through that and I bounced right back. But then you decided to talk to me, and I foolishly agreed to meet up with you, still kind of hoping you’d apologise and take me back. But I was so wrong.
You said more things to me, and more than once you were close to hitting me, I remember you shoving me against the car, and the pain was unbelievable. But then James came and hit you. I felt so bad, I mean you guys were friends, good friends, and I’d come between you, wedging you apart, and for that I’m sorry. You left that day with a black eye, and a bleeding lip, I never meant for it to happen.
Since then we’ve only seen each other a couple of times, and every single time we’d cross paths, I’d get a feeling of guilt wash over me. Guilt that I still haven’t apologised for you getting hurt, and guilt for the fact that our issues aren’t resolved yet.
One day, I’ll speak to you again, and we’ll work everything out between us. You were always the ultimate bad boy, and that’s what I was attracted to, but after I saw past that I saw the real you, and the real you scared me. You wanted what I could never give you, and because of that we both got hurt.
I’m sorry for what happened that day Morgan, and I’m sorry that you and James can’t be in the same room ever again without wanting to kill each other. If I could turn back time and change things, I would change the outcome of that day.
You were a sweet guy at the beginning, and I was a naïve girl. I knew nothing, and wanted pointless things; popularity, reputation, a boyfriend. The need for those things clouded my thinking and clouded the way I saw and portrayed you. If I had met you now, I would never have been allured by your arrogant and overconfident attitude, but then again I was 16, and you were just taking advantage of my inexperience.
But I have to thank you, I have to thank you for letting me see what was in front of me; James. Without you, I would never have him, and I guess good things come from bad experiences, because now I’m stronger. I hope you found or will find happiness Morgan, I don’t hold you responsible for anything. We were both young, stupid, careless, and in the end the both of us got hurt. You’ll find a girl one day, someone who’ll fulfil all your needs and give you what you want.
Until next time,
Francesca
