Letters to No One

#2

To your lost version,

"When you're lost, where do you begin?"

"How do you even begin, when you don't even know where you're headed to?"

A question, you owe an answer from the person you see everyday from the mirror.

A question, I even asked myself.

"Where do I begin?"

"Where am I headed to?"

"To which road should I go? The left or the right side? This one? Or that one?"

I felt so lost. I even questioned myself if I can manage everything.

Until I lost my mother. 

People come and go, I know that. I'm very much aware of that. But then, losing Mama without even letting her see us grow up successful was the worst thing.

Until pain was the only word I knew that could tell how I feel in the world.

Until sadness became my friend.

Until solitude became my rescue.

Until the only one I could ever had a grip of, was myself.

Until I saw everyone living their own lives.

And me? I don't know if what I'm doing is still me.

I felt so lost. I felt that living was just being okay, and not being alive.

Until one day, I've realized, this wasn't my life to begin with.

Until a small voice saying, "You can do it. You can make it." 

"You are loved."

"You matter."

A voice asking, "When will you cease running?"

I looked around and then saw few people, they are my people. They are my few friends and family members.

Smiling, waiting for me.

Beloved, not all those who are binded with a broken past, will have with them an uncertain future.

Our future may come uncertain. But our life is already planned, long before we were conceived.

Don't let sadness become your default emotion.

I may not know what road should I take. But as long as, I am anchored to the right path, I know I'll be safe and sound.

When you're tired, rest my dear. Take all the time in the world to find your voice. But I tell you, don't even think of quitting and giving up everything. 

Because there's always something to fight for and someone to fight with. You are not alone. You were never alone.

You say, I can easily say this just because I only knew how to respond to the situation. But I don't know how it really feels. Trust me, I've been through the worst times in my life. And I'm no stranger to the dark.

I'm not holy, I'm not even close to being one. But, during those times, all I ever had with me, until now, is my faith.

Your faith isn't the end result of your relationship with God. It is the right armor we must have in order to combat everything in this life.

You say, "It's hard. I am a failure. I am not as good as you. You can only say that because you almost have everything."

I tell you, "I don't have everything in this life...The sad truth is, I don't have.anything else, but Faith, Hope and Love to begin with. Faith to combat my own set of fear. Hope to live for a brighter today. And lastly, love that makes everything worthwhile.
Nevertheless, we love, because He loved us first.

Until all our pain, insecurities, negative thoughts and emotions, becomes an impeccable part of ourselves. Until we accept that as a part of us. Until we decide to choose ourself, and to be a little star for someone else's dim-lighted world.

So, when you're lost where do you begin? Begin where you are today. Begin with your flawsome self.

It doesn't matter if the road ahead, maybe bumpy, steepy, or a long, long way. Just don't get tired pushing yourself for trying once more..

You fail? That's okay, you can try once more.

Feeling not good enough at something? It's okay, you were also good at something I don't.
We are all lost somehow, and we can't see a better way ahead of us, if our reason to live and to fight is for any person, thing or emotion. Don't. Just don't. Live with a purpose, not for a purpose.

Until we share new beginnings, and to look forward for hopeful endings. Until breathing becomes living. Until we heal.

Until then, beloved.

-Cloakedlove