The Honeymooners

Six. Cocktails and exes

I hang my head out of the car window like a dog on a Sunday morning drive, feeling like I might throw up at any moment. I'm hungover and by that I mean: I'M HUNGOVER! Enzo decided it would be a fabulous idea to spend our last night in Robyn Hoods Bay taking part in a pub crawl, and I now understand the term, having had to crawl back to the B&B after our last drink.

"Keep sipping on your strawberry water," Enzo says kindly, not feeling a hundred percent himself.

"No," I cry out. "No more strawberry ever. Those daiquiri's almost killed me off."

"It's the waitress, she kept making you them," he laughs, and I want to slap his mouth shut.

Does he not understand the word headache and the discomfort it entails?

I search for some chewing gum in my bag and want to cry when I see it's strawberry bubblegum flavour. "It's because she fancied you."

Enzo grunts. "Of course she did."

"Oh, sir, you must come to our cider weekend next month. It seems like you know your alcohol and you will just love it," I reply, mimicking the young waitresses voice from last night.

Enzo only shakes his head.

I rub my stomach and pull out a long breath. "I think my drink was spiked."

"Your drink was not spiked. You just don't know your limits," he says, turning slowly around the bend for my benefit.

"I do too," I sound like a child and don't care.

There has been many a time over these past three years that Enzo has had to save me from a girls night because I peeked too early and got bladdered on pre-drinks. I swear half the time I was the only one drinking as my girlfriends paced themselves.

I won't let Enzo think he is right, of course.

"You should try to eat at least half of the hash brown and sausage muffin. It might brighten you up a bit."

Even the thought of food touching my lips sent me into a gagging fit.

"I'll pass. You eat it," I reply, resting the back of my head on the car window.

Enzo reaches over the gear stick to find the paper bag in the footwell which contains the food. "Please eat a little for me?"

I smell the egg and want to heave. "No. No. No. No!"

"You wanted a McDonald's. We could have had Costa if I knew you'd refuse to eat the food," he shakes his head.

I close my eyes at the feel of the fresh air and the scent of pollen wafting over my face. It's somewhat relaxing. "Leave me alone."

The car goes quiet and then the next thing I'm aware of is waking up to the sound of Enzo's mother's voice. I peel open my eyes and see Janet tugging on Enzo's wool jumper outside the car window. I still feel like death warmed up and know it won't get any better when we step inside his parent's house. Janet likes to feed the ten thousand. There will be food already on the table, no doubt.

"Sleeping beauty has awoken," Enzo says, opening the car door.

I simply stare at him with death-eyes.

Janet steps forward and peers into the car. "I hear you're feeling a tad delicate this morning?"

I try my hardest to seem like a functioning human being. "I'm feeling brighter than I did first thing. How are you Jan?"

"Good," she leans in and places several kisses on my cheeks. "I like to see you've come barefaced and ready for the mud?"

I spent an hour on my makeup today. I think she very nearly severed my ego in half.