I don't consider myself as someone weak. I don't give this impression to others either, at least that's what I like to think. I've learned how to hide pain, in fact, any kind of feeling. You, you saw me in my worst but I never let you see me cry.
«It's okay girl, c'mon, you can endure it, just like you always do, just like you've been doing since that day. Stand up and start walking. One step, two steps»
I didn't notice temperature had decreased a lot. My legs were trembling I almost fell off. Which was the last time I ate something in conditions? I took my cap from my bag and I put it on so my swollen face was hidden, and I forced myself to keep walking. Immediatly I got hidden in shadows and narrow streets.
Time moves in a special way in the middle of the night...
«I think it's about to start rainning again, I should get in somewhere dry and warm if I don't want to freeze myself in an unknown city. I've always thought about my death as something a little bit more... dramatic and poetical, with many rose petals. Gosh what am I saying? Shut up and concentrate on your search»
I could found a 24h café. I left my cap on the table, I ordered a very hot coffe and opened up my book. I had read it at least two times but I kept discovering new things every time. The local was almost empty, there was a couple sitting in front of me, by the way the girl was talking to him I could deduce they were siblings or any other kind of family tie. She was being so loud, they catched my attention.
-But, Hoseokie!
-I said it once and I'm gonna say it once again, you-don't-need-him. You are a strong girl, full of vitalism and future plans. He donesnt' want you to be successful at all, I can't tell it just by the way he treats you.
No response
-Listen, you can do it by yourself. The world is full of oportunities and nobody else but you should be able to decide which path to take. Your life only belongs to you and who doesn't want to understand it can fuck off, no, seriously, they won't deserve your heart. In this world there are things you can only do by yourself and things you can only do with somebody else. It's important to know your priorities and find out the right person. You are amazing just the way you are so don't settle for anything less
-Will you invite me to all this?
-Were you at least listening?!
-Yes I was, it's just that I am scared
«Welcome to the club, girl»
-Excuse me lady, do you want me to fill your cup? Oh sorry If I scared you
-Don't worry, it's okay. Yes, please, fill it again and thank you so much
The old woman left quietly once her job was done. I could listen behind me how the good looking siblings were leaving too. I stared deeply at the dark brown liquid on my cup.
-I guess you are becoming my favourite meal nowadays
-That sounds so sad
«What?!»
Someone replied to me. If I had been a little bit more crazy I'd probably have thought the coffe was talking to me but there was a very tall guy standing in front of me, looking at me with compassion. He didn't even waited for me to reply, instead he kept talking.
-You should eat properly, at least 5 meals a day. It's important to take care of your health, specially on winter. Omega 3 is so helpful in this cases. Can I take a seat? -But he didn't waited for my reply, again, he sat down in front of me with a big smile and kept talking in a friendly and charming way.
«Will I stop having weird conversations with strangers today? This is becoming so confusing»
-Why is a young and beautiful lady sitting alone on a 24h café at midnight -it wasn't a question, at least, my impression is that he wasn't seeking for an inmediat answer so I divagate a bit on my reply, I wasn't up to give any personal information anyway.
-It must be so cold outside right? Winter is starting to show off.
-Yes it is. I was about to catch a plane now but I've lost my passport so I will miss my business trip this time
-Oh I'm sorry
-Excuse me, miss, can I get a coffe too? -the waitress nodded and he put his eyes back on me with a big and warm smile- I guess I'm going to join you on your favourite meal. What's your name by the way?
I took a long sip from my cup that was already totally cold.
-Are we gonna pretend and turn this into a formal conversation? -I was aware I didn't sound so friendly I expected him to stand up an leave. I wasn't a great company, was so used to be on my own head, it was getting harder to be with other people. But instead he laughed and started talking again.
-It's okay, I can understand you, I am an unknow who have sat in front of you with no reason despite the whole local is completly empty, so the strange thing here is that you haven't ran away. You must feel lonely. So, to be less unknown to you I'm going to tell you my name, I am Kim Namjoon, nice to meet you
He sounded so proud of it. I didn't tell him mine. We didn't said anything for one long minut that seemed an eternity. I guess it was my turn.
-Excuse me, do you know any place were I could arrange a cheap apartment for a while?
-Aren't you from here?
-No I am not
-Where do you come from?
-From nowhere, no place on earth belongs to me anymore
-I know very well what you feel but, don't you think first of all you should find youself? You can't pretend to find out your place if you don't know who you are, what you want. You are not gonna reply, huh? You can learn a lot from people around you, but first you must stop hidding from them on darkness
-Once I hurted people I loved I stopped trying to find my happily ever after, I don't deserve it anymore. What's the point on all that if I lost myself long time ago
-Things flow to where they have to flow and no matter how hard you try, when it comes to hurt someone you hurt him. Life is this way, it's constantly trying to make you learn a new lesson. It's time for you to learn to live this way
-My train have passed
-It sounds so ironical coming from someone who collects train tickets
«I'm starting to feel completly nude in front of this man, I should run away but something pushes me to stay. He must have suffered a lot too»
-Stop apologizing to yourself for being who you are, you'll understand it when you find a reason to stop ripping you into milion pieces, it's okay to not have figured it out yet. Moreover, time doesn't run anymore for you, does it? -said while staring at my broken watch.
-Seokjin-ah -he wispered to himself while looking at some point outside
Namjoon stood up after saying this and thanked me the nice soiree. He seemed a completely different person, he had aged. Although he was pretty young, he looked so much more mature, he suffered a whole transformation, like if every word he said had been changing him slowly through the conversation. Outside someone was waiting for him, a told guy dressed in pink, despite the fogged enormous window I could appreciate his handsomeness, enchanting. They kissed tenderly and left down the road holding hands.
«His reason to not rip himself in pieces...»
-How much I owe you?
-The gentleman have payed your order too, he has been so kind, also have given me this to you -she reached me a card of an apartment rental company.
Outside, tiny snowflakes were falling, under the light it looked like glitter.
I don't remember what followed that night, cold must have fogged my memories, but I remember I didn't felt lost at all, it doesn't lasted so much but it felt so good.
YOU ARE READING
Maybe (아마도) || jjk. + k.th + reader
Fanfiction"When you are a scared kid who runs away from himself, loneliness is the only feeling that seems right to you, but when you taught me how to feel real I stopped trying to scape" The story of three lives, they weren't aware of how much they needed e...
