Chapter 15

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I heard the knock again and  knew that whoever it was knew I was in here. I put down my dress I had in my hands and moved towards the door. I took in a deep breath and pulled the door open. I thought it would be Elizabeth on the other side. I was sure that as soon as the news got to her that I was heading home for a time that she would be up here convincing me otherwise.

"Lily can we talk?" 

I moved out of the way and let Phillip come in. I knew it would come down to talking to him.  This isn't how I wanted to talk to him or when I wanted to do it but I knew it was bound to happen at some point. He made his way into my room and was starting to look around at the trunks that were around the room.

"So it is true. You are leaving?" 

"I am going home until the ball. Your mother gave me permission. She understands that I need to take a step back and see where I belong and what my heart is trying to tell me to do."

"You can't follow your heart here? I know things have been distance between us for a few weeks. I didn't mean to push you away but somethings have just been going on." 

I listened to him but I wasn't going to believe everything he was saying. I wasn't going to get sucked in again. I was putting the wall up until I could decide what my heart needed. He might not understand but this was an adjustment for me and now I was taking it back into my hands until I knew what I wanted to do. 

"No I need to go home. I need to be in a neutral space that I won't be influenced by anything."

"How do I know that Adam won't influence you when you are home?"

"Because Adam was the one that pushed me here. He was the one that told me to trust you to see where this could go. If he was really going to make it that I don't come back I am sure he would have already done it by now. Maybe we do need the time away so we are able to just figure out how we feel about each other. The space will be without people telling us how to feel."

I was mad, he had made me mad. Now I knew that I needed the time away because I needed to see how it would be without him around all the time. Clarity was everything right now and I needed to find it again. He obviously didn't think my feelings or what I knew would bring me back here if he thought I was so easily influenced. 

"I was so sure about staying here and being with you. I know I had questions in the beginning but the last few months I was starting to see a change and see that things could be great between us. Now seeing things the last three weeks I'm not sure anymore. Now hearing you right now I really don't know. How could you question that my best friend would do something to cost my happiness?"

"That's not what I meant. I know that he cares about you and I just see him trying to keep you to himself. "

"Well you don't know the whole story."

I moved back towards the bed and packing my belongings into my chest. I would be ready to leave in a few minutes. I was sure I would need to have a carriage brought around to the door. I put the last on my things in there and turned my attention back to Phillip.

"I have until the ball to figure out everything. That is a week. I am sure you will be able to last a week. I just want to go home for a little while." 

I moved towards the hallway to go find a servant to help with my chest. I was able to find one with no issue and they followed me to my room to help me move my items to the carriage. It seems that the Queen had set one up for me to take home. When I made it back to my room Phillip was still there. He watched as the servant grabbed my chest and made their way down to the carriage.

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