Chapter 12 Edited

Kira's Point of View Continued

I slept in Cameron's bed last that night. I Lay there imagining he was beside me again with his beautiful smile so big that he had crow's feet and his hair back to its former glory, beautiful. He stroked my hair to help me sleep but I didn't want to ever sleep again with this vision in front of me. Sometime when I remembered I was pregnant I would feel sick like I had just been on a carnival ride and was about to faint. That it was Cameron's. I still can't wrap my head around it, a baby. Cameron always seemed so happy about it, a survival instinct perhaps that he would live on who knows. I was in no man's land, that space between sleep and consciousness. I knew my vision of Cameron was only behind closed eyes but I could hear what was going on around me, the low murmur of cars driving slowly down the dark street outside and the shuffling in the hallway I suspected was a restless Johnny. Cameron appeared to drift off to sleep and became a marble statue of pure godliness I'd forgotten how sexy I thought he was. I saw a smile crack onto his stone face at this thought even though it seemed wrong because he was dead. But what about those who admire the likes of Kurt Cobain or Marilyn Monroe, Cameron was my role model. I sometimes would compare him to the like of Cobain being his beautiful side was buried deep but in circumstances it was obvious for Cameron it was his need for love and Cobain it came through in his music. They were both tortured souls but in these days aren't we all a little tortured. Even those living lavish lifestyles something has to be sacrificed to give them that life, no one is pure anymore, no one.

I listened as Cameron's bedroom door creaked open and footsteps slowly entered the room. Shallow breathing and a cold breeze followed. I felt the bed slope as someone sat on the side where Cameron seemed to crumple into. My heart squeezed a little as the fresh image of Cameron disappeared.

A real body replaced him. I could smell Johnny. His muskiness and he lay down beside me. He reached over and for real this time pushed the hair out of my ears and stroked it as Cameron had done. He whispered a poem to himself but I knew it was to me.

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
In-wrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

W.B. Yeats. Beautiful, I felt someone had read me that before but now it had more concrete meanings. It was me and him against the world now.

I cracked open my left eye slightly only enough that I could make out Johnny.

His face always held an element of pain amongst its brave and strong facade. I didn't know if it was his internal pain cracking through or simply the pain of his arm. That was another thing we had to deal with...Johnny. Onto of everything this guy I was about to run away with let take care of me couldn't seem to take care of himself.

''I know you awake'', He said a smile showing through.

I couldn't hold back my smile giving myself away. Happiness seemed like a distant memory but it was hard not to feel it when you're with someone who made you happy.

''We have to leave soon'', Johnny said squeezing my nose so I wriggled to pull him off.

I sighed too loudly. ''We can change the plan's'', Johnny said quickly.

I opened my eyes and stared right into his.

''No! We will go get my stuff as soon as Cameron is in the church, he understands I won't be there'', I said sternly getting a confused look off Johnny which I shook off.

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