Chapter 4 Edited.

Johnnies Point of View

IL I could ever think about these days was Kira. Kira. Kira. Kira. It was like she was embedded in steel into the front of my brain. I felt like I was betraying Cameron by even thinking about her. I know he loves her deep down, but I don't know who she loves. The whole pregnancy scares me too, the thought that she had Cameron's baby growing inside her. I have to stop thinking like this I going to drive myself crazy.

The door creaked open finally. ''Hey Mrs. Johnson'', I said taking a step forward.

''Come in John'', She whispered stepping back from the door smiling. That poor woman whispered all the time these days.

''He's very lively today'', She said closing the door as I walked through the hall to the sitting room door where beyond it you could hear Cameron singing to himself.

''Oh Nana what's my name?'', He sang jokingly.

I pushed open the door and Cameron continued to sing his song still smiling and he gave me a light wave.

He wasn't wearing his hat today. His bald head was white and he looked text book sick but the bright smile on his face told a different story. His eyes were encased in dark circles and his skin tight cling film clinging onto every bone and crevice in his face. I couldn't help but feel a pang of pain. I sure Cameron could feel I was uncomfortable because he grabbed his hat and pulled it on. He had been moved to the sitting room because he didn't have the energy to climb the stairs, not since the chemotherapy started.

Cameron pulled the ear phones out of his ears and disconnected them entirely from the stereo so we could both hear the music. The music blasted out of the radio and Cameron reached quickly to turn it down.

''Great taste in music'', I laughed taking the arm chair and spreading myself into it.

''Why thank you'', He laughed. I could see Cameron's face drop a little and he looked at me.

''Kira hasn't visited in a while'', He said unable to hide his disappointment. ''Have you seen her around?'', He asked genuinely concerned.

''No'', I answered without thinking. ''Well yea but not..Like...recently or anything'', I stuttered. I did not want to hurt Cameron in any sense of the word.

''OK'', He said smiling a little.

''How is Chemo going?'', I asked hopeful. He scowled at the memory

''To be honest I'm glad the first few weeks are over'', He said a smile picking at his lips.

''We didn't get good news'', He said biting his lip. ''The chemotherapy I got usually, because the induction is so aggressive puts 90% of children into remission, but it didn't put me into remission'', He said sad.

''What's going to happen?'', I asked trying to stay strong for my friend.

''They said they can repeat it a second and maybe a third time, but after that we don't know'', he said he eye slightly twitched.

''You are a fighter'', I said no question asked.

''Damn right I am'', Cameron said perking up and kissing his biceps.

I laughed out loud and he joined in.

''Was that a laugh'', He joked.

''Shut up you'', I said throwing a pillow gently at Cameron.

It was raining when I left Cameron's house so I ran to my car. Id promised my mother I'd be home reasonably early so she could go out to visit her friend. We decided when Paisley had the miscarriage not to leave her alone as she had turned into a serious problem at home since it happened. She was nice Paisley outside but at home, my god! We went shopping one day and we came home and she was drunk and she had every baby photo of herself cut up. Now imagine that...It's scary to see my little sister gone like this, but I guess some would say it's understandable. I pulled up outside my house after about 5 minutes of driving blindly. I jumped out and ran to the house to avoid the rain. Have longer hair definitely did not help you in the rain.

I walked in and shouted ''Home!''. My mom came rushing out to be looking freaked out.

''Johnny, do something will you'', She said leading me into the kitchen quickly.

Paisley was pulling apart the kitchen, the floor was covered in broken glass and broken delph. Paisley was walking across this not flinching at all as the glass cut her feet. She left bloody footprints behind her as she moved onto the fridge where she started pulling out all the food and squishing it.

''Paisley'', I shouted at her angry.

''What are you doing?'', I growled walking up to her and grabbing her by the wrists. Her face was puffy from crying and her eyes rimmed red. He smiled evilly through her tears.

''I'm cleaning out the kitchen'', she sneered. ''Giving us a fresh start'', She laughed evilly.

''Well give it a fucking rest!'', I snapped and her smile faltered and she leaned her head into my chest where she continued to cry. I didn't know whether to feel empathy for her or to simply let her feel the pain. I swung my arms around her pulling her close, comforting her. I couldn't let her cause my mother this pain, but I couldn't let her drown in it either. She was a broken girl and she needs love as well as a wake-up call. My mother stood at the door, a blank expression plastered across her face.

''Just leave'', I whispered to her and she turned silently and I listened as she grabbed her car keys and slammed the door behind her.

''I can't handle this anymore'', Paisley whispered into my chest.

''We will get you help'', I whispered. ''I have my connections'', I said smiling to myself coming up with a plan to see if Cameron could find anyone in the hospital who could deal with this, because I couldn't. Paisley leaned back from my iron grip.

''I think IL go to bed'', She said handing her head low.

''OK'', I said leaving her to go up stairs.

''Paisley wait you may come back'', I said. I grabbed the sweeping brush and cleared a path to the dining room table.

''Come on'', I said pointing at the table ''go over and hop up, you have glass in your feet'', I said making my way to one of the drawers where we kept a small first aid kit. Paisley hopped up onto the table and she winced as she pulled her foot up to examine it.

''Shit'', I heard she curse as she pulled a large pierce from her foot.

''IL do it'', I said taking a pliers from the kit.

''Its going to hurt take some deep breaths'', I said as I began pulling the fragments of galls from her right foot and then her left foot. Paisley looked like she was in serious pain now and I could she regretted what she had done. I pulled from cotton wool from the kit and held it to the bottom of her foot and wrapped a bandage around her foot to hold in place and I done the same with the other foot.

''I'm sorry'', she whispered as I helped her down from the table.

I ruffled her hair and leaned against the table and watched as she limped out of the room. I walked over to the sink to wash my hands of the blood and dirt. I turned at looked at the mess of the kitchen; broken plates represented her broken life and the rotten food...how she had turned bad. I was going to have to clean up her mess as usual. I grabbed the disinfected, the dustpan and brush and the mop. I stood at the sink staring out my back window. I looked at hoe beautiful the sky was how pure the world looks and wondered what we had done wrong.

I pulled my sleeve up to my elbow and reached to the left where the black that held the knives stood. I grabbed the small sharp one. I found an area on my arm that wasn't already pink or scabby and I touched the cold knife to my skin, this sent a shiver through me. I gentle pressed the knife into my skin and watched as a line of blood appeared as I dragged the knife across my weak skin. The pain was unbelievable, but I could deal with physical pain it was the psychological pain I couldn't deal with. I grabbed a paper towel and patted the blood from my arm. It continued to flow so I help my arm under the tap. I washed off the knife with disinfectant. I stood their feeling a sense of relief. The bleeding had slower and I knew in a few hours there would be a dark crust holding the pain in.

I took the sweeping brush in my hand and I turned to finish the task at hand. Standing in the door way of the kitchen with her hand plaster across her face and her eyes wide, was Kira. What had she seen? By the looks of it too much!

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