An ogre. The loaf of bread knew it. This was the most beautiful creature it had ever seen. The loaf of bread blushed, self conscious about his one true love seeing it in his home, not knowing how it got there.
Of course, it knew that Shrek wouldn't care how it looked. He knew they were soulmates. It was love at first sight. The loaf of bread couldn't help but imagine their wedding day, with all of its friends weeping, seeing the loaf of bread get married to its one true love.
Stop it! The bread thought to itself. You just met him, you can't be picturing your wedding day already! But the bread couldn't help it, seeing Shrek in his fabulous wedding gown, all his friends, the croissants, the donuts, maybe even his brother rye bread might show up.
And of course he can't forget Shrek's family too. Donkey, puss n boots, and his slutty ex wife Fiona. It would be perfect. Shrek would become the loaf of bread's husband and they would live happily ever after in the small hovel in the swamp.