You're mine (#1)

||Chapter 22||

by Choderlos de Laclos - Dangerous Liaisons

"Now, I'm not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is, this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got to know you, I began to realise that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn't understand what was happening to me. And it was only when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it finally dawned on me: I was in love, for the first time in my life. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to behave. I'll do anything you say."

**********

It's been 12 days. I've been avoiding him completely, to the point where we wouldn't exchange a word throughout the day. He wants to treat me like a whore? I'll show him.  I believe he also tries to avoid me, he leaves early in the mornings  and works extra hours on purpose. I wonder what he does in his office,  since he has people to do everything for him. Watches porn, probably. I chuckled under my breath.

But  I also decided I should get something done, and not dwell on the fact  that he is an emotionless, frigid and unsentimental asshole. So I also  decided I cannot rely on someone like him. I'm a big girl now, maybe  still a little over-sensitive and stupid, but an adult. So I made a  savings account on my bank, my own bank,  where I transferred at least  5,000 dollars I had. It was from my work at his company, and also the  money he gave me and probably long forgotten about it.

I  will not be living under his mercy- I promised myself. I will not be  treated so poorly anymore. I realized it, you know. That what we are  doing is toxic, and means nothing to him anyway. Maybe that's what I'm  trying to do. I'm trying to be strong. Maybe that's why I opened the  savings account, so I would convince myself I can do it, leave him.

Leave him, quit the job. That's what he wanted, right?

The way he looked at me sometimes, when his gaze would soften, or when we laugh so hard when we pushed each other in the pool... There weren't many good times we had that wouldn't end up in a fight, but there were some. And I tried to kill the small part of me that desperately hoped and prayed, he, somewhere deep inside of him, could care for me.

After fighting myself for hours, I decided it's time. I will wait for him until he returns, late, probably. He owes me a decent explanation, and I had to admit to myself, I didn't want to leave. But all I needed was the last push I was praying he wouldn't give to me.

||Damon's POV||

I've. Had. Enough.

I'm going fucking insane. Over some low-life bitch. I grimaced when I thought about her that way, she deserved better. But I'm the fucking best. I closed my eyes and tried to quiet down the devil and the angel on each of my shoulders.

I've tried so hard to push her away, not let her in. I think she stopped trying 12 days ago. And I wished she didn't. I felt something strange... guilt? No, that can't be. Regret? Okay I really am going insane. She's messing with my head- and not my head only- and I need to make her stop.

On one side, I wanted her. Not just for sex- the only thing I ever wanted from a woman- but I wanted her. I wanted to open myself up to her, let her in. I could only imagine the amazing feeling it would be not to carry all those secrets and dreadful memories to myself. But somewhere deep inside of me, I didn't want to hurt her.

Even though I did, every single day. I knew I should let her go, but couldn't bring myself to do it. On the other side, my selfish, sadistic side, I wanted her all to myself. I wanted to hurt her. To break her, see her submit to me. I wasn't all right in the head- I knew it. And she pushed all my buttons.

Another day passed, and I couldn't bring myself to make a decision. But I had to stop thinking about her, so I called one of my girls. She seemed to do the trick when she bent over my desk.

||Natalie's POV||

I skipped almost every channel on the huge TV until I settled for some drama-series. It was nearly midnight, and I could almost feel him getting closer. My palms were sweating- tonight could go in thousands different ways- and I don't know what I hoped for.

It was a starry night, quite warm also. The only light in the room was the dull lamp near the elevator and the quite bright TV in front of me. My heart stopped when I heard the familiar ding.

I slowly stood up and he looked surprised to see me. I would say worried- if I didn't know better. My heart sunk with disappointment.

His tie was hanging loosely around his neck, his shirt half unbuttoned, his hair messy, bits of lipstick on his lips and his jacket in his arms. So that's what he was busy doing late at night.

I cleared my throat and tried to act like it didn't affect me. But I had a limp in my throat and I just wanted to bury my head in my pillow-and cry. "We-we need to talk." I said quietly and he placed his jacket on the edge of the couch. He didn't seem so harsh and cold like always, but a little softer-it must be from the tiredness.

"I... I thought after all this time... You'd care at least so little to show me some respect. No, let me finish. I understand it now, you don't see me as a person. You see me as a slut, a whore, a toy. I get it- you even said so yourself. But you know what? You can stick your arrogance, and your egoism, and your coldness up your ass. I wanted to believe! I wanted to believe you could change, or feel, or have some sympathy. Maybe even to love. I really did, and I tried. But I guess I'm just super naive- so I got my shit together." I slowly took the piece of paper from under the pillow from the couch. I quickly shoved it in front of me, swallowing back the tears. He took my resignation paper.

"I signed it. I hope you choke on oxygen."