As Connie rolled over she saw Sam still asleep beside her, the covers pushed to his waist as he lay sprawled out over one side. She forced the smile from her face as she watched him before ignoring everything that her head was shouting at her.
Laying a hand to his chest she pulled herself closer to him, instantly feeling his arm grasping around her waist to hold her against his chest. Smiling to herself she felt his lips press to the top of her head. "I didn't mean to wake you..." Sam barely responded causing yet another smile to come to her lips as she lifted her head to look at him.
Smirking, he kept his eyes closed before squinting slightly to look back at her. "Is it morning already?" "Umm try lunchtime... That's the latest I've slept in for about 5 years." He laughed pulling her closer again, Connie comfortably lying against his chest as he buried his head into her hair. "I love waking up with you like this."
Connie remained silent for a moment as she gently nodded. "Me too... I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet." He ran his fingers gently through her hair as she let her mind wander.
There were two things she was certain of; she loved Greg. He was the first person in a long time that she had let in for long enough that he could see things about her that others couldn't. He was kind, and he cared about her a lot. There were things between them that she would never hold with anyone else, yet it wasn't what she craved at most when sleeping there alone. The other thing she was sure of was that she loved Sam.
Everything about how she felt when with him told her this was right, that this is what she should choose. But when it came to making the choice, she could never fully commit herself to him. What if he got bored like he always did? What if it didn't work out because of who they were? What if it was just the excitement of hiding what they had that made this work? So many thought floated through her mind, but none of it gave her an answer.
She felt calm with him, relaxed. More than she had done for as long as she could remember. He made her feel things that she thought she would never experience again. He held her in a way that told her maybe everything could be okay. That maybe, just maybe she could have a happy ending for a change.
"What's on your mind?" His voice snapped her back to reality as she ran her fingers back and forth across his chest. She opened her mouth to speak but found that no words came. Sam continued to run his fingers through her hair knowing exactly what she was thinking about. "Forget what I said last night, it wasn't fair on you-" "No. What's not fair is me keeping you on like this, when I don't even know what I'm doing."
Sam held her a little tighter in a reassuring manner as he rest his chin to the top of her head. "Well, I'm sure you'll work it out... You'll know where it is you want to be-" "That's the problem, I already know where I want to be but I can't seem to get myself to commit to it properly." Sam sighed fearing the worst as he heard her words before she held onto his hand.
"You've taken that in exactly the opposite way..." Lifting her head she caught his frown as she shuffled further up the bed so she sat beside him. "Whenever I'm here on my own, you're the one I wish I was with. I always want to be with you, but I can't get myself to fully accept that. Instead I push you away because I'm scared of really admitting that I want this."
Sam sat himself forward watching her carefully. "You're scared that you'll let yourself want this, then I'll realise that I don't." "Exactly." She rest her head in her hands gently as he sighed wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "If there's one thing I can tell you, it's that I'll never be able to forget about you. I've tried and failed too many times... Giving up on us isn't really an option in my mind anymore."
As she lifted her eyes to meet with his, she felt the heat from his hand as he rest it against her cheek. "If you want this, if you want us... Then all you have to do is say so." "I want this... You, whatever it is that this is." Sam had expected her to be quiet, to not be able to answer that. Watching her for some sort of sign that she hadn't meant to say it, he couldn't help but find the opposite.
"Connie you need to be sure-" "And if I said I was? If I said that giving this a real chance was what I wanted, would you finally shut up and kiss me?" He laughed dropping his head briefly as he saw the smile that glowed on her face. Their eyes met once more as Sam smiled across at her. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to hers softly as she slipped her hands up and over his shoulders.
Holding onto her tightly, he savoured this moment with her. A part of him worried that when the haziness of the morning was over and she was faced with the prospect of Greg returning home, she would quickly take back her words and change her mind once more. It was something Sam had come to terms with, no matter how hard he found it.
Laying back down with her, he kept his arms firmly around her as she lay her head back to his chest. Moments like these with her were his favourite. It was as though he could pretend that this was their life. No worries, or regrets. As though they weren't doing anything wrong. This would be what he missed the most if it were to all slip away at any minute.