Quantum Parenting

Quantum Parenting. Part 1 - Facial hair confuses babies

Talking of instruction manuals, there is no instruction manual to a child, although God only knows how much we as parents could do with one sometimes. I suspect my kids wish for the same thing too though, or at the very least a remote control that has a "shut up dad" button, or perhaps a "standby" or "off" switch. Other buttons could also include "stop embarrassing me", "not that story again", and "how about you tidy your bloody room" and a "for pity's sake put some pants on when I have friends around and you need a shower." (That last one hasn't happened yet, but I suspect it's only a matter of time...)

Each child appears to be born knowing exactly how to wind up their parents, but not always knowing how to fully communicate with them.

Each parent is merely a grown up (allegedly) version of the same thing, so the confusion obviously flows both ways.

(Or possibly all ways if we're still doing quantum here, in fact Quantum Parenting is quite a catchy title. I think I'll use it. There it is, back up the top, you probably missed it on the way in as I've only just changed it.

So, if parenting can be quantum (although I suspect given my utter failure of A-level physics I've used the word incorrectly, but you know what I mean), does that mean that an alternative me somewhere is always right? I'll have to tell the wife that. Woo hoo! Quantum Gav is the ultimate Dad and husband. Hope he's enjoying himself the bastard.

Now, back on track, you'll probably need to pop back up to the other side of the brackets. Up there a few lines. Read that bit, and then re-join the main thread of the conversation below, if there is one. Ready? Go.)

Both parties hope to get through life without screwing each other up too much and coming out as friends a bit later on, usually when the child has turned into a parent themselves and the now grandparent can sit back and try not to laugh too much or perhaps too openly, while their own children proceed to cock-up another generation of the family.

Is everybody sitting comfortably? Grand, I'll just pop out and make a cup of tea then. Back in a mo.

Right, just a wee note to start (see that's how good I am at this burbling. An entire page or so of rubbish, and then I finally start, well apart from the bits in brackets), a disclaimer if you will.

All of the weird shite that follows is entirely from my own head, not some list copied off the interweb. I'm not sure whether that makes it better or worse but it is at least original...

... or stupid...

... or both.

Okay then, to business - allegedly - although there may be occasional interludes when my brain decides it's had enough numbers, or I've had to ask the kids what number comes next. You will be able to spot these as there will be judicious use of brackets, rambling paragraphs or just general stupidity (who is in no way affiliated with General Observations below; different battalions probably.

Mmm... brackets...)

Quantum Parenting - General Observations

(which is the same as Major Thoughts only more senior, often with stranger facial hair and more medals, and still not in the same battalion as General Stupidity who was court martialled for arming the carrier pigeons with machine guns. The idea never really got off the ground...)

Right enough brackets. Observations time :

1.            The wonderful thing about kids is that they constantly surprise you.

2.            The horrible thing about kids is that they constantly surprise you.

Look at that, not even at number 3 and I'm interrupting myself already, what a surprise. Talking of which, surprise is a horrible thing in a parent's world sometimes. There are nice surprises like your four your old son suddenly realising that he can ride a bike, and equally there are nasty surprises like when you realise the aforementioned small boy hasn't been told how to use the brakes.