Thoughts

Random

     Do you ever feel trapped in a cage. You can't get out your stuck there. You just feel tired and weak all the time. Then you feel useless like you can't do anything. You feel you can't do anything right. You had one simply thing to do and you screwed it up.
      All I had to do is keep my grades up. No, it's not simply. It's not that I have trouble learning it's that I'm stressed. I have to make a good grade. If I don't I feel like my right to breath is taken away from me. All I had to do was be the perfect child. I screwed that up the day I was born.
      I didn't turn out the way they wanted me to. I don't get opinions in my life. I have to deal with whatever comes my way. What if it's to much to handle? Will you understand if I fail? Will you be mad? I don't know the answer to any of these questions.
      Your temper scares me. What if your temper gets the best of you one day? That will be the day that will scare me the most. You have already made me feel useless. You have broke me, all i can feel is how broke I am. I don't think I can be fixed. I may stay this way forever.
      I can't take it anymore, this is to much to handle for me. I feel I am trapped in hell. I can't escape, there is no way out. All those night I was kept awake, because I didn't feel safe. All those thought that will not leave my mind. It all your fault, but some how you will make it feel like my fault.
      That night you screamed and yelled for stupid reasons. Slamming the door. It made me feel scared. I didn't feel safe the night you threatened to slap her. The time you through that box and didn't say sorry when it hit me.
       I can't live like this not feeling safe at home. Wishing you would disappear. I have no good memories of you just awful ones, I wish to forget. Why can't we be a nice family? You made me feel like I'm not suppose to have emotions.
        You made fun of me, but when I told you it made me upset, I was told I was stupid. You think I can't take a joke, but what if that joke is something I can't change about myself. I'm stressed all the time, because of you. I fear you. You are the reason I have a low self esteem. I fucking hate you, I couldn't care less for you. You have made my life a living hell.