Chapter 13

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Elijah's POV

I couldn't help it really.

Timothy Casper drove me absolutely insane.

Since the first time I saw him I've never been able to stop thinking about him. His thin wrists and pale skin, his black hair and dorky glasses, his sweaters. His eyes. I don't know what it is about his eyes that made me head over heels but I think it's just because they're Timothy's.

I already knew I loved him. I loved loving him. I'd never tell him, not this early. It's way too earlier. I just fell in love with watching him be so, him. Passionate without showing it the way people normally would. Watching him made me learn about him. It made me feel things I never have before. I didn't know what love felt like, but if it didn't feel like this, I didn't want it.

It's just after a while of observing one person, you can't help but feel that way.

I remember days I'd spend my free periods pretending to look through the books in the library just so I could watch him through the book shelves. I'd find whatever excuse I could to visit Mrs. Flynn's class during the period Timothy had her. Just to sneak a glance in his direction made my day.

I didn't know exactly when I started to do things that some people might think were on the borderline of obsessive. I wasn't obsessed. Just smitten, maybe.

I never even had a crisis about my sexuality either. Which was oddly strange, but it didn't seem to matter to me. When I saw Timothy I didn't see a boy, I saw him. It was my first crush on a boy, however, so when I learned he had a twin sister I watched them from afar to see if I could possibly get the feeling looking at her as I did looking at Timothy; they had to have some of the same traits, they were twins after all; just so I can be positive I don't have to go through the whole 'I-like-a-boy' thing. But nothing. I felt absolutely nothing looking at his sister, then looking at Timothy again, my heart was beating at a rapid pace again. So that was it, I decided that Timothy was something I needed.

I didn't think it'd take me months almost a whole year, to get up the courage to even speak to him. I was tearing at myself practically the whole summer from not doing so. Hell, I didn't even know if he was gay, it just was a high hoped possibility I held.

The last thing I thought would happen was catching him staring at me in English class. Usually he caught me staring, but I've gotten so good at it now that he never actually sees me doing it.

I just constantly found ways to bless my eyes with his beauty. Dumb things, like 'forgetting' my notebook in classes I knew Timothy had later that day so I could come in during his. It was almost pathetic.

If I would've known he developed a crush on me I would've acted sooner.

At first it was difficult getting him to talk, or more like talking to him. I kept my composure the best I could around him, I was sure I wasn't obvious. I just needed confirmation from him before I acted out and did something I'd regret, making the months spent obsessing over him wasted.

When I looked at him my thoughts blur. I never even knew what was going on when I saw him.

Colette seemed to think she knew me but I tried to think of I've ever met her and I drew a blank. I hope she doesn't think I'm someone else. I never did anything bad, I knew I'd regret it. My best friends Isaac and Trey, they were a different story. Except we've been friends forever so I'd never really drop them, they didn't pressure me at all. I remember last year they wanted me to date a girl in Isaac's girlfriend's group, but little did they know.

They don't even know about Timothy. The only person beside me that ever knew was my mom. She, somehow, figured out my 'crush' was a boy. I never figured out how either.

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