Chapter 13: Silly girl, he doesn't like you

^^ listen to the song for this chapter please xoxo

Don't you hate it?

When you like someone, you fall asleep thinking about them, all you want is their arms wrapped around you. You'd rather listen to their voice than your favorite song. It's not that part that I hate, it's the part of who it is. I hate that I'm talking about Evan.

Last night I fell asleep thinking about the way his eyes softened on me, when he apologized for scaring me like he actually cares. I won't deny I'm attracted to him.

I hate how Evan is the only person to make me feel this way.

I hate it.

I'm not as fine as I seem, I just want to be okay.

That's all I wish for.

My old foster parents used to tell me everything will be okay in the end, but there's no end in sight.

So I made my own ending.

They say they understand you, but they have no idea what it's like growing up in this generation. And honestly, I didn't know how broken I was until every time I laughed, I just wanted to cry. 

I tug on the roots of my hair and look over at the clock beside me in my bed, it's only 1:05am. I'm not getting any sleep tonight, I never do due to my Insomnia but I feel like tonight will be worse.

I look over on my dresser and stare at the bottle of my pills. I stand up to go get them and dump over ten pills into my hands, I look out at the midnight sky and think about leaving.

Leaving everything.

Just as I'm about to swallow the pills I hear a loud yawn which sounded like a gorilla eating a cat.

I turn around and watch as Evan stands up from his bed, he turns on the lights and stretches as his shirt rides up. I look away blushing but realize I shouldn't be blushing over a guy that doesn't even like me.

He could hurt me.

"Wild?" I hear him call out huskily.

"Uh, hey Evan." I smile lightly and hide the pills behind my back.

"Put them down now." Evan instructs sternly as he looks straight into my blue eyes, his brown eyes harden as he looks at the almost empty bottle of pills on my dresser.

"Wild stop it! I told you suicide wasn't the answer!" Evan says loudly, next thing I know he opens his window and jumps over to mine, he opens it and walks inside.

"You don't know." I whisper as a single tear leaks out of my eyes.

Evan slaps my arm hard which results in pills all over the floor, Evan sighs as he runs a hand through his hair.

"Wild, why?" Evan says in defeat.

I shake my head as tears flow down my cheeks, Because life sucks my mind screams as I shake my head harder and fall to the floor.

"Don't leave me alone." I sob knowing that if he left, I wouldn't be able to make it through the night alive. 

I hate how I'm no longer scared of him.

All fear has vanished and all I need is him, next to me for tonight.

"I'm not leaving." Evan says as he bends down to my level.

My voice was scratchy and weak as my eyes poured out all the things I've tried to say. 

Silly girl, he doesn't like you. My mind spits at me hatefully as a silent tear rolled down my cheek. It's my fault, I have feelings for a bad boy, a player. He'll throw me away soon because that's all he's good for.

Giving girls temporary pleasure then drop them like flies.

But I'm not here for the pleasure, I'm here for the comfort.

See I tried to stay away from him, I promised myself that I won't get near him but somehow that brought me closer to him.

"C'mere." Evan says as he opens his arms up for a hug.

I look into his brown eyes trying to find any source of leaving me or hurting me. His eyes were soft and honest, he won't hurt me. 

Slowly, I lean back into his arms as he wraps his arms around my body. His hug was warm and welcoming, it's as if he squeezed me so tight that all of my broken pieces collided and I was complete again. 

I always thought, that when people say "you're like my drug" it was cliche and not real. Love doesn't work like that, but that was when I didn't know what it was.

It was just a word, until someone came along and gave it a definition.

-

Evan's POV

I didn't know what to do, Wild sat in my arms and cried and cried. I want to help her, but I don't want to be near her. Like every time I get close it's almost as if the resisting urge to hold her gets more unbearable.

I can't like her.

I'm a player, a bad boy. That's what I am, and I don't settle down for one girl. That's how players work, but this is different.

She smells like cinnamon and vanilla which had me going crazy. Her long brown hair smelt like coconuts, crystal blue eyes were bright but dull at the same time. Just by looking into her eyes, I can see how hard she's fighting through everything.

She's strong.

She's suffered a lot by what i can tell, and I don't even know her full story. All I know is that Wild needs a friend. So when she told me that she didn't want me to leave, I knew that her past friends had abandoned her. Why would she think I'd leave her? Am I that ruthless?

I sigh and wrap my arms around her waist, her arms were draped around my torso as she snored slightly. I told her to go to bed and said I'll be right next to her. She was hesitant at first but agreed and finally fell asleep in my arms.

She's like a broken angel.

I wonder if I could fix her.

-

chapters yay! guys i got a PM in my Inbox today. One of my readers just PMed me to tell me that my writing is awesome and i should never stop writing. this is the reason i write guys, i write for u and im just so grateful to have u guys. thanks so much for sticking around and being part of the thuglyfe fam ;) xoxo

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