chapter twenty-two: Dr. Dart Armand Mirth

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"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster." - Friedrich  Nietzsche 

I gripped the edge of the desk, the chair, the wall. My vision throbbed and shifted. My mind expanded. I dropped the syringe. The cooling sensation spread from the place it had been in my arm, under my skin and in my veins. My body shook violently as I grabbed at everything, trying to anchor myself as I convulsed. My heart raced, faster than I'd ever felt it. I felt panicked and excited and exhilarated and nauseated and empowered. And adrenaline. And fear. And fate. Rush. Shake. Fly. Run. Grab. Scream. 

Scream. 

Scream. 

Scream. 

I couldn't think. My mind expanded. There was something new some new sensation that was breaking down everything tearing into my very being continuing and continuing rushing through every fiber of my brain expanding newness and feeling presences like not alone like theres another world inside my mind expanding and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming. 

I came back to myself and realized again how violent my being had become. I convulsed again. Was I on the floor? I looked up around me at my desk, destroyed. My research littered the ground around me. Was I dying? It didn't matter anymore if I was. Liquid dripped off the edge of my desks. The computer monitors sparked, angry and broken. My stomach squeezed into millions of knots. My heart felt like it was breaking through my ribs. My vision pulsated. Things appeared closer and farther and closer and farther. Magnified and expanded. I grabbed at either side of my skull. I pulled at my hair. It came out into my hands. I screamed. 

Scream. 

What had I done? I had never been so reckless in my life, taking untested substances. I had nothing left to lose, did I? Wilhelmina would never have me at this rate. Had she found them and they her? Was she siding with them at this very moment, all of them leaving me behind in the dust. Behind. Leave me behind. Failure. Always ahead. Not now. 

Scream. 

Convulse. My mind expanded. 

Scream. 

Pain. Excruciating. Look down. Nails long. Skin peels. Veins. Hair falls. All out. Sight new. New things. Bigger. Better. Brighter. Bright. Light. Bright. Power. Power. So much power. 

Scream. 

Black. Silence. 

Blink. Bright. Power. Stand. Muscle. Power. New. Power. Light. New. Power. Bright. Strong. Muscle. Mind expanded. All. Feel all. See all. I have strength. I have power. My mind like hers. Like theirs. Like them. I am power. I am strength. I am expanded. 

I am. I am. I am. 

I am a god. 

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