Chapter 15

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Chapter: 15
As soon as Loki was served a large plate of food he looked baffled and confused. Was he supposed to eat this or was he supposed to serve it to someone else? Surely this couldn't be for him, this was a full meal and it wasn't moldy or cold or covered in maggots. 
"Not hungry?" Thor asked him after he was looking at the food for a few minutes.
"It- for me? This is for me to eat?" He asked, wanting to be sure he wasn't mistaken before he made a move to eat.
"Well yeah, obviously. It's breakfast" Thor said with a shrug. "You can eat it" he said, trying to make it perfectly clear. Loki's eyes widened slightly, he had never been handed food like this, even when Frigga gave him food she was feeding it to him, she could've taken it away whenever she wanted to, but now he actually gets his own plate of food. He was dumbfounded. He was very hungry because he hadn't eaten much the night before, and it smelled amazing. He was about to dig in and start eating when he realized.... he couldn't. He looked at the other three eating and then looked at his own plate. He can't eat, now right now, not here with them.
"Is something wrong?"  Frigga asked him when he didn't start eating. He looked up at her, he so wanted to eat, he was starving now and the food smelled amazing, but he couldn't.
"I'm not hungry" he lied. Frigga looked confused.
"Why not? You haven't had anything since last night and you didn't even have that much" she said. She didn't believe that he just wasn't hungry.
"I just- I don't... um..... I don't-" he looked anxious again so Thor didn't let him finish his sentence.
"Well I'll  be showing you around so just let me know when you get hungry" he said, to which Loki nodded.
Thor finished his meal quickly and then got up from the table. Loki was still looking at his food and was obviously very hungry, but he didn't say anything so Thor left him alone. The food was taken away and Loki tried to get to his feet, he didn't understand why he was so sore or why it was so hard to stand, he always walks on his injuries but it's much harder now. Thor helped him up and held onto him until he got his footing.
"Do you need help walking?" He asked.
Loki shook his head, but as soon as he took a step his legs wobbled and Thor had to help him stay standing. Well whatever, he didn't mind supporting him.
Thor had Loki hold onto his shoulders so he wouldn't stumble and he was ready to grab onto him if anything were to happen, but for the most part he was fine- well, fine for Loki, he still looked like he had been caught under a rock avalanche and he was still unhealthily skinny, but he was able to walk with minimal help.
Thor took Loki around the palace for several hours, he wanted Loki to know his way around so that when he was able to get out of bed he wouldn't feel like he was trapped. Thor was going to take him outside later, figuring that once he felt the sun he wouldn't want to come back inside. Loki took careful note of where everything was and how to get places, he knew they'd be giving him jobs and commands pretty soon and he doubted he'd be allowed to ask where anything was, Thor had shown him once and he should remember. If these people were anything like Laufey (and Loki still believed that they were) he would be in serious trouble for forgetting something the prince told him, they'd accuse him of not paying attention. After a few hours Thor had shown him everything there was to see inside the palace, at least everything of importance. He didn't bother to show him anything he wouldn't be needing to use in the near future, he knew he was giving Loki a lot of information at once and he didn't want to over load his brain.
"Mother will probably show you to your room later tonight so I won't waste time with that" thor said as he and Loki headed outside, Loki was still using Thor for support and he was so skinny that Thor barely noticed the extra weight anymore. "So I'll take you outside now, I'll show you around and then I'll have someone get you lunch, you're probably really hungry now" he said as they got to the door to go outside, the sun was shining and it was brighter and warmer than anything Loki had ever felt or seen before.
Thor opened the door and he and loki stepped outside. Loki squinted a little bit when his face was hit with the sunlight, the sun never shines brightly like this on Jotunhiem , it was always dark and cold and now he was being hit with the warmth of the sun. For some reason he liked it, he didn't like the heat he felt when he was drowning in blankets in bed, but the warmth from the sun was different, it wasn't stuffy or suffocating, it was refreshing and calming.
"Is- this is daylight right?" Loki asked as he looked at his hands in the sun. Thor never heard that question asked and he never thought he would hear it.
"Yeah, yeah of course" he said like it was obvious, he didn't think he'd have that reaction to something as simple as he sun, but if you'd never felt it before you'd be fascinated too. Thor left loki alone for a bit and then as soon as he seemed to get his mind past the fact that the sun was shining he continued to show him around. He didn't show him around as much outside, partly because Loki was clearly starting to feel more pain and partly because it was close to lunch time and Loki needed to eat. Thor brought Loki to some outdoor tables that were set up under a large covering and had him sit down.
"I'll go get you some lunch, be right back" he said. Loki suddenly looked panicked.
"I'm not hungry" he said quickly. Thor looked confused but then thought he understood.
"Don't worry I'll be right back, and all of these people are my friends, you don't have anything to worry about" he said. There were soldiers and warriors training or just walking around, so far they hadn't really taken notice of Loki but he and Thor both knew that once Thor was gone they'd start to wonder who the stranger was and why he was here. But Loki didn't seem to relax when Thor said he'd be right back.
"Seriously, I'll be gone for less than a minute. Just try to relax a bit"
he said as he turned and went to go tell a guard to bring Loki some lunch. Loki was very tense as he sat alone at the table outside. People walked by and gave him curious looks but he tried to avoid looking back at them. He tried to focus on the air outside. It was refreshing and every time he took a breath he felt warmth course though him, summer was beginning so there was a light breeze that felt calming. He had grown to hate the wind, Jotunhiem was so different, the winds there were always icy and sharp and painful, but the breeze here was nothing like that; he probably would've been able to relax if he wasn't so terrified of all the people walking around. Thor had been gone for more than a minute and Loki was starting to feel anxious, it didn't help when he saw a woman approaching him, she was clearly a warrior, she looked tough and wore armor and carried a sword, she looked like she just came from a Fight that she had won. The only woman Loki knew was Ilkay and she was just as cruel as Laufey, so he didn't feel any more comfortable around women than he did around men. To him they were all the same level of threat.
"I'm lady sif, who you are you?" She asked Loki as he sat up straighter in his chair, he would've gotten up to leave but he was in a lot of pain and couldn't get up. Sif saw that he was extremely afraid and looked confused.
"Are you alright? How did you get here?" She asked, he was so skinny and bashed up that she thought he was a begger who had come to the palace.
"I'm- the queen brought me-" he couldn't finish his thought, he was looking at her sword worriedly. Sif noticed how he was looking at her sword and she put it down.
"Who are you?" She asked with a kinder tone. Before Loki had time to start stuttering again Thor came back with a plate of food for him.
"Sorry that took so long" he said, he felt a little bad that he'd left him alone. Thor put the plate down in front of him and looked to sif, she could tell by Thor's look that she should leave so she turned around and walked away.
"Thats Sif, she's a friend of mine" he said as he took a seat next to Loki. He pushed the plate of food in front of Loki, expecting him to eat, but he just looked at it.
"Go ahead and eat, you don't need permission" Thor said. Loki looked at the plate for a minute longer before saying.
"I'm not hungry" his voice was low and he clearly didn't mean it. Thor gave him a look.
"Okay what's going on? Why don't you want to eat? There's no way you aren't hungry after barely eating dinner last night and skipping breakfast this morning. So why aren't you eating? Is there something wrong with the food?" He asked, he sounded a little irritated which made Loki more nervous. Loki shook his head, wishing he was back in the bedroom.
"Then what is it?" Thor asked him. Loki kept his eyes locked on the table.
"Nothing" he said quietly.
"Well then eat" Thor told him. Loki shook his head.
"I can't" he sounded afraid, he thought for sure Thor was going to beat him for disobeying.
"Why not?" Thor asked, sounding a bit more annoyed.
"Laufey- Laufey never let me eat" Loki said. Thor sighed.
"I'm not Laufey. I'm letting you eat, go ahead and eat" he told him. "So why don't you want to?" He asked. He didn't understand it.
Loki kept is eyes on the table but he looked horrified. He was humiliated and embarrassed and wanted to turn invisible. He knew he was stupid and useless, but he never had to explain it to anyone before.
"I don't- I don't know how" he said quietly. "I've only ever eaten with my hands and- and I don't know how to- I never learned" he sounded and looked like he wanted to die, and Thor felt guilty for making him say that. He should've known, if Loki had never eaten how could he know how? Loki didn know how to eat using a fork and a knife because Laufey never let him eat at a table.
All day loki had been starving himself because he was too embarrassed and afraid to tell anyone that he needed help. That he needed to be taught how to do a simple task like eating at a table.

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