#TeamWattPunk - Part Four: Small Acts of Rebellion - @Wuckster

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Small Acts of Rebellion

by Wuckster


The drone known as Writerbot52 sidled his way into the bright-orange cubicle at precisely 8:00 AM and took a seat in front of his writing station. He extended his right arm and the handcuffs that would keep him chained to his desk for the next fourteen hours automatically clasped around his wrist, leaving just enough space for him to reach the typing apparatus.

The giant orange-and-white W blazed out of the screen ominously as he entered his login info. A little red dot in the upper corner informed him that he had some new notifications. Clicking on this, he discovered that he had received seventy-eight new comments on the story he had submitted yesterday: a tale of sensitive vampires who fall desperately in love with misunderstood preteen girls and "stick it" to society by having a forbidden romance with them. He had entitled it Fangs for the Memories. It was utter swill, but it had managed to accrue nine thousand and twenty-four reads overnight. If he could just manage to hit the ten-thousand-read mark by noon he would be rewarded with an extra five-minute bathroom break.

Scanning over the comments, he discovered such insightful gems as "LULLZ!" and "OMG!!!!!!!!!!%^)" and "DFURBG!!!"

"What the heck does DFURBG mean?" he asked himself aloud. The comments he received tended to consist of all-capitalized one-word responses, many of which he didn't understand. Exclamation points were a very common feature, along with other strange punctuation marks like ~ and {. Every once in a while he'd get a slightly more articulate comment from someone who wished they could find a boy like Jeremiah, the main vampire in his story, but these were few and far between. He began dutifully replying to each of the comments, even though he wasn't really sure what sort of response "DFURBG!!!" warranted. After thinking it over, he opted to go with his old standby, and typed: Thank you for reading my story. You rock! :)

After he had finished writing replies to each and every comment, Writerbot52 took a moment to ponder what giant load of crap he could unleash on the world in order to survive another shitty day in this hellhole. The speakers overhead were blasting some heinous piece of music that sounded not unlike a sea lion being pecked to death by a horde of wild turkeys. An overly cheerful DJ came on the air at the conclusion of the song and announced, "That was the new smash single, 'Baby I Love Your Soul,' by the hit sensation that's been sweeping the land. You know them and love them: They're the group called 2Fresh4U! Up next, a solid five-hour block of all three of 2Fresh4U's hit singles back to back to back, over and over and over again. You're listening to Wattpad Radio, the only radio station legally allowed to exist. All hail Wattpad!"

"Hmm..." Writerbot52 said to himself. "Fanfiction pieces about boy bands usually go over well. If I can get twenty thousand reads in the first hour, maybe they'll give me a fifteen-minute break to go visit my sick mom in the hospital." He decided he would whip out some piece of nonsense about a lucky middle-school girl who wins a contest and gets to go on a date with all of the members of 2Fresh4U. The problem was he didn't know anything about this group, other than the fact that their music made him want to stab himself in the ears repeatedly.

The writing station only allowed access to Wattpad. Indeed, there were very few other approved websites left in existence anyway, so he figured he would have to do his research in the Wattpad Clubs. He clicked on the Community pull-down menu and clicked on the Clubs option. He then spent the next hour or so browsing through the Cafe and the Fanfiction Club. He was able to gather that there were five members in the group. Taylor was clearly the most popular, although there was a large vocal faction that preferred Austin, and each of the other members had their supporters as well. The problem was he hadn't managed to get a very firm grasp of what each of the members looked like or what their personalities were about. Sure, there were thousands—if not millions—of stories about them filling up the Fanfiction section of Wattpad, but he didn't really feel like wading through hours of poorly written tripe littered with typos. He could barely stand reading his own crap. There was no way he was going to suffer through pages and pages of preteen wish-fulfillment fantasies just to help him concoct another steaming pile of horseshit that he didn't give a flying fuck about. No, he was going to have to use an alternative form of research he kept for occasions such as this.

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