A/N: this is for you, outcast_pariah
I swear I can write serious smut I just didn't want to right now.
John was lost.
After being kicked out of a bar when Lafayette threw up on the dancefloor, Hercules has dragged his friends to the next bar, and then they had disappeared. John didn't really mind, as he had found a soft person to lean on, but now he needed the toilet.
He stumbled into the bathroom and walked over to the urinal. He could clearly hear two people fucking in one of the cubicles, and he was horrified to find that the loud noises were turning him on. Another man walked in and stepped up to the urinal beside him.
John was suddenly consumed with interest, so he glanced over at the person beside him's DNA rifle. It was smaller than his, and he involuntarily laughed.
"What the heck are you laughing at?" He snapped. John could hardly choke out
"Your beef thermometer" between bursts of laughter.
"Excuse you, little Alexander is beautiful!" The man protested. John laughed harder.
He was suddenly slammed against the wall, and the man's face was inches from his own.
"Look at my love stick." The man insisted. John looked down and giggled.
"My doinker is better than yours. It has my eyes." He argued.
The man stepped back and grabbed his love muscle, pointing it at John.
"I challenge you to a yogurt slinging duel." He declared.
"You're on."
John aimed his own power drill at the man and they began the duel. They both screamed in agony every time their winkies connected. Eventually, John let loose an unearthly howl and smashed his bologna pony against the man's with all his might.
With a sickening crack, both men's stinky pickles snapped in two.
They both fall to their knees, screaming.
"What the heck?" Lafayette and Hercules emerges from the toilet cubicle where they had been hecking moments earlier. They picked John up bridal style and ran away with him, Lafayette gently caressing his wounded schlong.
The next day, John noticed a notification on facebook. It was a beautiful picture of a ding dong, the second half hanging on by only a few strips of skin. Underneath was the message
"My name is Alex. You?"
And that was how John met his husband.
YOU ARE READING
oneshots and stuff
Fanfictionwhy are you looking here for information about this? what do i look like? someone with their shit together? ha. i think not.
