44. Bang bang

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Suicide is too easy for some weak people but the funny fact is they think they'll finally find peace but they double their pain by committing suicide. There is a fact that after you commit suicide till you dont find Mukti you'll keep on doing the same thing again and again after death too and the pain will be real.

Live your life comon. Life is so beautiful if you make it beautiful. I know there are always some up and downs but remember God gives you that much amount of pain only which you are able to handle. Trust god.

I swing my legs down to the floor and stood up from the bed taking heavy and quiet steps towards the gun. I can't live with the fact that a girl like me who had never let a man touch me trade her body. I became the slut alex always accused me of.

Alex still had his back faced on me. I wonder what thoughts might be running in his mind. The fact that he is not even ready to meet my gaze proves that he is guilty of his actions atleast a bit.

I pick the gun and run my hand through it. It's really heavy. I turn around to see alex for the first time wearing his clothes infront of me instead of makin me feel awkward. See the irony now that we had sex he is hiding from me . I move backwards toward the door.

I don't want to shoot myself in front of him. I don't want to risk the fact that he'll admit me to the hospital and save me. I don't want to live.

Should i kill him instead? No i cant do that. I'm not as cruel and heartless as he is. I know that he was not born like this. Something must have happened that he has become like this. Dad always used to say people are not bad situation make them bad

Dad. Mom. Jacob. Chris. Trust me i love you'll but i can't bear it anymore. I love you'll but living like this hurts a lot.

I'm not your same princess dad  on who you was so proud of anymore. I let you down and i hurt you so much.

I'm not your same honey anymore mom who would see good in every bad thing. No one is good over here. Not even me anymore. I let down your values and trade my body with with someone.

I'm not your old baby anymore jacob. And i can't be the same rose you know after what i did today. 

I keep moving backwards tightening my grip on the gun. I should move out quickly before alex had the power to turn the situation.

If he finds out I'm going to kill myself he'll start worrying about his revenge and will try to stop me in any way possible.

I was out of the door but suddenly he raised his head searching for me. And when his eyes landed on mine and then on the gun in my hand he finally had a clue about my intentions and lurched from where he was sitting.

Now that its pointless to leave quietly so i said some goodbye words " You told me that you'll break me to a point where I'll beg you to kill me and you wont. But i guess i should pity my life and end it finally. I think you wanted this only " blood was drained from his face as i said those words. His expression went from confused to shock to scared. Why is he scared?

" rose? Listen to me. Put the gun down baby" his voice was coming in whispers as he was finding it hard to breathe.

I chuckled at the irony that finally i made him scared. Àll this time he left not a day to terrify me and now he was scared. Of me.

As soon as i saw him taking steps towards me i pointed the gun straight on my head and he stopped dead in his tracks.

It's pleasure controlling him and standing where he stood once controlling my every breath every word i spoke every action i did " dont you dare. I'll kill myself. I'm done with your games and now I'll do as i please. My life my rules my control on it now. I'm going to kill myself " i laugh a sinister laugh which proves I've gone totally insane. The thought of ending my life is not even fazing me anymore.

Alex held his hand in surrender and was sweating in fear of what to do or what to say anymore. And what he did next was unimaginable that made my decision almost wobble.

He dropped to his knees

" ro-rose. I'll do whatev-ev-ever you wa- want rose. Anything goddamit. Just don-do-dont do this. Please please " his words were stuttering because he was out of breath. 

Did he just said please? This day should be definitely in history. First he's scared and now pleading.

I made a promise to myself I'll make him beg one day. I guess god wanted to grant my this one wish before death. " i want nothing from you alex. Congratulations you won this game and I'm so sorry if you were still not sated with your revenge. That's the best i can do as your slave. Goodbye alex. If there's an another life somewhere i wish to see you as a better person " he was shaking his head mumbling dont and please but i raised my other hand to close the door.

There was a final eye lock between us. A final goodbye.

I  ran from there as soon as i locked the door. I don't know what to do anymore but before he finds me i have to end myself

If I'm not alive with whom will he play his games with. If I'm not alive he won't harm anyone to torture me. If i want to see everyone i love alive and breathing i have to die.

Because if he finds me he'll make me pay for this decision. If he finds me he can kill anyone i love though he has promised i dont trust him. He said his revenge is of utmost importance and by killing me I'm taking that away from him

And I'm not so strong to see anyone i love dying in front of me only because of me. I tried my best to make him happy. So that he gets his revenge and leave me.

But I've lose all hope now. I know he won't let me meet my parent's or jacob ever. He won't finish his twisted game ever but im fucking tired

I was running towards the basement and was frantically searching for a place he wont find me. After an eternity i found an abandon room like a store room. I barged inside and locked the room.

He won't find me. He can't find me. I can't see anyone dead. I'm not so strong. If i be with him anymore ill do a mistake and he will kill my family

I raise my hand and eye the gun in my hand. My hands are shivering. My heart is beating so loudly. Am i actually doing this?

I have to. I have to do this. Where should i shoot myself. Alex told me once that if i shoot in my head i won't feel any pain and i would be dead in an instant.

Yes my head.

No no it will pain me so much.

My heart.

If i shoot in my heart i will surely die. Will it be too painful?

Should i try something else. Like cut my wrist or hang myself. No i don't have time. Shoot rose. You have to end this.

Head

Remember alex will kill every one you love slowly and painfully.

Heart

Remember if you are dead everyone is safe

Head

One life gone is nothin compared to so many lives

Heart

He will torture you more than you ever imagined if you survive

Head

Heart

Head

Heart

And i shoot.....

I was wrong. This is painful. Too painful. My body is burning as I'm on fire. Ouch

I can feel blood flowing out from my body soaking my clothes. I'm losing.

Stop this pain please someone stop this. If i shoot again I'll die early.

And i shoot again.

I'll finally find peace.....

I cried writing this seriously

What rose did was right?

she should have done what?

Maahi


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