Chapter 1

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I never thought about a boy before.

Never once had I thought of the possibility I'd want to be with one either.  

But lately, he caught my eye. He was in my English class, and I found knowledge intriguing, and he had it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think he purposely raised his hand and correctly gave a detailed answer and description of every question asked to catch my attention. Because, that was the only time I looked up.

Elijah Cartwright.

He had beautiful brown eyes with a red-golden tent, and light brown hair that always caught the light. It was styled perfectly unlike mine that stuck up in every direction.

And I often don't like people. I never have, and I don't if it was because I've only ever spoken about my feelings with my twin sister, Letty, or if I was just a person who kept to themselves. People hurt you, and you never know their intentions with you, you don't know what they think or say about you, and you don't know if they'll stay in your life.

I have a group of friends, sure. But I feel they're more of Letty's friends then my own and I can't begin to process without being at least a few feet or in the same area of Letty's person. She's my best friend and she's all I need. Don't get me wrong, I love Arden, Raven, Elias and Rory.

I just don't connect mentally with them. I don't expect everyone to be Colette, but I try to put the least of the weight on the wall I've built around me as I can when it comes to them.

And the thing is, I love talking. I love having a connection with someone. Out of the group, Arden is probably the second closest to me, I think she's a great person, she has so much passion, she has great character. Our conversations have the best depth.

Most of the time I'm reading. Like now, at lunch. I'm more in my head than reading. I can see flashes of Colette's black hair swaying in my side view, while I was pretending to read the words on the pages. I faintly heard the conversation, and it wasn't of interest to me. I restrain from talking if I can't exactly have something to add. I could if I wanted to, but I just carefully choose, there's a chance no one would care and I'd look like an idiot.
However, that's unlikely to happen with them.

Elijah clouded my thoughts. While I keep running from the thought of him, and I think I'm far from the harm, I'm back to square one. In harm's way.

I always knew I didn't like girls, that or I didn't like anyone. I never said it, or admitted it, to even Colette. Even 2 years ago, when we went to London, and she caught me staring at a brunette boy walking along the opposite side of the street. She had said, "Timothy, why are you looking at that cute boy across the street like you should be looking at that pretty blonde girl walking behind us?" I avoided the question and stayed quiet, when she made a nicer and more subtle comment about it later in the hotel room, I had said I wanted to know what he was thinking, in general. It was my answer if anyone asked me why I was staring at them or someone else. I was curious of  what they were thinking about, of anyone really.

That was the only suspicion that I was attracted to boys Colette has ever had, that I'm aware of.

English was next hour. That's all I could think about. All I could think about was his averagely tan, delicate hands, his golden eyes, his hair, his thin wrists. Everything about him, what made him, him.

I don't even think Elijah knows I exist, he doesn't actually look at me, more the other way around.

I'm sure it's at least a little noticeable that I only take my eyes off my desk, (even when I'm forced to answer a question I look at my desk), is when Elijah is speaking.

It'd be obvious if someone pointed it out or watched me, no one has really payed attention enough. And Elijah hasn't either.

"Okay Timothy, I'll see after this class okay?" Colette parted with me and left with Raven to go to History. This left me on my own, I didn't mind, I held my book with two hands on the top, my fingers touching the tips of the first line of words on the page. Faint slow music was playing through my headphones so I could concentrate on the words easier, I felt my back pack  getting tangled in my oversized sweater, I was a mess.

I closed my book as I sat down at my desk when I entered class. I was a good student, just hated having attention on me, and hated public speaking. The bell rang 30 seconds later, indicating that the teacher was late and all the students were on time.

I tried to pretend I was just picking at the cover of my book, but my eyes were roaming underneath my glasses and I could see a blurry figure of Elijah, from my eyes looking at him without turning my head. I could feel my breathing unease and my heart race in my chest. I wanted to look up and glance at him just once to soothe myself. I couldn't. There's a huge chance he'd notice this time because he was quiet, me slightly looking in his direction would be too obvious.

Breathe. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes to calm myself down before I get too worked up and Letty isn't here to calm me down.

I lifted my head up slightly to where I was looking straight ahead and acted as if I was just looking around the room and slowly found my eyes looking at Elijah.

He was drawing in his notebook, in a way he was deeply concentrated on what he was doing. His brown hair was styled on his head with small pieces hanging down in his eye view. He had one hand place on the paper while the other was moving the pencil artistically. I felt myself thinking that his red hoodie would bring out the red tint in his eyes. I let myself stare at him a little longer, he didn't seem to feel me looking at him, the teacher is still late, and I didn't want to tear my eyes away. The sight was breathtaking.

It was then Mrs. Thomson decided to walk in and Elijah looked up from his notebook, almost in a frightened way, but I feel he was snapped out of the word he was in.

As was I, because then Elijah made eye contact with me, and I quickly tore my eyes away after a brief second, realizing I got caught staring, dreamily, at a boy.

And I didn't look at him again.

******
This is about Timothy Casper from my book Beside The Mountains and you don't have to exactly read that book first. It would help however, to better understand the school and side characters such as Timothy's friends and how his sister acts around them and to know Timothy from someone else's view, just small things. But this is his own story. Thank you so much for reading!!!
-Taegen

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