18 - Feelings and an improvised lunch.

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"Thanks for the shower, Harry." Says James coming out of the bathroom using the same clothes as yesterday but with his wet dark hair looking longer than normal.

He finds me seated in the usual place, in front of the couch, where I have been for I honestly don't know how long, just staring blankly at the same spot on the wall.

At first, my thoughts were a mess, but now they kind of disappeared. I don't really know what to think anymore.

Anyway, I don't want to involve James so let's try to plaster a carefree smile.

"Are you ok?" He asks concerned.

Yeah, didn't work. "Hum, sure. Why wouldn't I?" My attempt to cover up doesn't convince even myself.

"You don't look ok." He points out as if it was obvious.

That is because I don't feel ok. Great observational abilities!

With a darker expression than before he insists "Did your ex do something to you?"

"No, he didn't. Don't worry." Won't you just let go?

"But he said something." Walking closer James stops, crouches and takes a seat beside me on the floor. Judging by his clumsy movements, doesn't seem to be something he is used to do. "So, what did he say?"

Do I need to tell? Because it is unsettling. I really would like to forget.

On the other hand; do I need to keep quiet? Who do I owe it to? Mark? I have no more obligations with the bastard. My peace of mind? Talking could help more than keeping it in. My pride? Am I trying to save face? Since when have I ever done it with James?

Staring at me, though I am looking away, James probes "Harry, we are friends, right? I am worried about you. And I don't like to see you with such an upset expression. Your smiling face is better."

Fine, you know what? Whatever! "His fiancé is pregnant." Annoyance, sadness and I don't know what more comes out mixed in my voice.

Nodding he asks "Are you upset because you still love him?"

Frustrated, I try to explain "No, I don't even know why I did before. It is just.....It is like a slap on my face.... I mean, I know that a child is a good thing, a happy occasion."

"His fiancé too probably doesn't know anything about all of this and is just a victim like me. So it is not like I hate them. Even Mark; I can detest him for cheating and dumping me but not for having a child."

"So it is not the kid itself. But...while our relationship was barely recognized as a relationship by him, since he decided to marry a woman and keep me as his secret affair, with her he created an unbreakable bond, a proof of their connection that will stay in the future for generations. And he came to rub it on my face! And he didn't even notice the disrespect!"

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