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Pen Your Pride

Twenty seven. She’s sick and she still wants me to like BBPJ

“Oh. ‘kay. So, who’s the hottie that opened the door for me?”

Ok. Another reporter.

“Oh, hottie? Where?”

Yes, I know he is a hottie. It’s worth the charade and denial, isn’t it?

“Cmon, don’t deny it. I know you know who I am talking about.”

“Oh. Mister Hottie? That’s.. uhm, okay so how will I put it? Uhm… Mister Hottie was not-so-close-classmate-in-elementary-days. And he was also the other half owner of this house. Speaking of which, how did you find me?”

“Hold on. Did you say ‘classmate in elementary days’? Gosh. It was really a match made in heaven! So.. how did you meet? And how was it possible to have two owners in these pretty huge house for two people?”

“Okay so you’re much nosy about my classmate and the house? Hmmm.. well, I can say that we met during the time that I was checking this house with the previous owner, he - not-so-close-classmate-in-elementary-days - seems to be interested too with this house so the p.o decided to sell it to the both of us.”

“It’s that easy? You trusting him just like that? It’s like.. what? Since you used to be classmates then it’s gonna be okay to trust him with personal stuffs, your life – anything that is close to who you are, the prerogative to be with him and make him a witness of what your life is about right now?”

Wait. It’s not as if being with Arnold in this house is like that. It never occurred to me that we, all this time, are really sharing some things to each other. Except that things are quite revolving to me more than to him. And yes, of course, because this is about me. This is my story, this is my life. But we are dealing this together, maturely, with privacy.. so what’s wrong? Although En, has a point. It made me think.

“Wait. Don’t let it sound as if I am selling my soul to a stranger like a painter’s masterpiece! He is not like that. Although I admit that you really have a point. He was really seeing more of me, and he was also sharing a view of his life to me. In fact his family and friends and I are well acquainted. And it’s not as if we never heard of privacy. Of course! We have our own shot of privacy and boundaries. Don’t make it sound like I was marrying the man I’ve met on the subway few weeks ago, because it’s not like that.”

This time, I felt like I want to be like an erupting volcano, storm my friend out and let her suffer for making me this furious. It sucks to hear your coolest friend to tell you such things. But she has a point, and I didn’t care until now. I came to realize that Arnold is seeing everything. About Timmy and I which he doesn’t know much but will about to know if Timmy and Hero wouldn’t stop treating me like a pet. And the fact that he’s always everywhere and he was really quite hands-on to me. What’s only missing in us is the connection of a more intimate relationship which of course he cannot give and I’m definitely unsure if I want to get.

“Oh. So, you are both having a fair share of everything now? Interesting!”

And her time? Enyah is not mad or furious like me. She is calm. And when she said ‘Interesting!’ it’s as if I made her move into another world. It’s as if she liked what she heard. Like she was genuinely happy for me.

“Quite true, and yes you have a point. I’m sorry for acting too much. But Arnold, yes that’s his name, and I were just friends. It’s not as if we got married. He became a part of me without realizing it, until you made me. It’s just mutual. And En, you just don’t know much. Soon you will, but it’s quite a story to tell. I promise you’ll know everything. Perhaps more visits, meetings and parties?”

“Hana. You. There’s a lot that changed about you. Well, I personally don’t know if I can still be with you for more days doing parties. Cause honestly, ok. Honestly. I will tell you the real reason why I am here. I am… dying. I am sick, Hana. I have cancer, and I don’t know much. All I want to do is deal with the rest of the hours left and go back to where I belong.

“In fact, if I must admit.. I dreamed of being in your shoe. Because you are so lucky to have the best of both worlds. To have your family supporting you to every endeavor you like to pursue; To be a part of BBPJ’s roller coaster ride; To have Arnold who seems like he cares about you so much; To Hero who likes to share the world with you no matter how irritated he can get; And of course.. to Timmy who accompanied me to your haven and never bored me about how you hatedhim and how he really likes you.”

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