30 | an adjustment

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Ryder hadn't gotten a proper night's sleep in a long time. To say she was always jaded was an understatement. Luckily for her, Nate Miller practically never went to sleep either, as per his guard duties, so they kept each other company in all the long, dreary nights since Clarke left.

It had been three months since their clever blonde leader departed and for the last one, Ryder had barely caught a glimpse of Bellamy. Since the incident, she found herself looking to avoid him. She hadn't really talked to him in a month and perhaps a few months ago, she wouldn't have accepted that as reality but after what happened, she was glad to be rid of Bellamy Blake.

The fight that had ruined everything broke Ryder more than she cared to admit. It had been a bad one, probably the worst they'd ever had, not that they'd had many. But this one was bad, bad enough to make them break up... at least that was the way Ryder saw it.

She hadn't talked to Bellamy in a few weeks and she acknowledged the fact that it was because both of their prides got in the way. Ryder didn't want to be the one to budge first and neither did Bellamy, and that is how they ended up on a break, their attention given instead to patrolling the border of Arkadia; that's what they were calling Camp Jaha now. They both spent the days taking shifts and accompanying their friends on brief missions outside the walls. Of course they sometimes went on missions together, though those almost always included a witty, cold-hearted back-and-forth between Bellamy and Ryder.

The adults were more than reluctant to let them cross the borders for more than a few hours, even after everything that had happened over the course of the past five months, since they'd landed on Earth, it was shocking to Ryder that the adults thought they knew what was best down on Earth. They hadn't been there as long as The 100; they would never truly understand what kinds of sacrifices had to be taken to survive.

What Ryder thought about most these past few weeks surprised Miller when she told him. Herself and Nathan had become strangely allied recently, going on missions together. She found the guy absolutely wonderful to talk to and that's why they spent a lot of days and nights just talking to one another about anything and everything. Ryder almost always talked about Murphy; she'd grown to miss the guy and, more so, wonder where the hell he was and what he was doing. She sometimes wondered if he thought about her and what she was up to.

This entire fascination with John Murphy had grown when Miller accidentally let a secret slip. One night, early on in their landing on Earth, himself and Murphy were sat by the fire, watching the rest of their group curiously explore their new world. Murphy started mumbling something about Ryder as he watched her sarcastically bark at one of the clueless leggy blondes that had managed to grasp a seat on the dropship over something as petty as theft or trespassing.

He watched Ryder cross her arms and lean against the dropship, eyes glaring, lips pursed and jaw slacked. He knew then and there, he felt something for the girl. He wasn't sure in which way, whether that be something as simple as adoration or as complex as a crush. And Ryder supposed she'd never know because she'd probably never see him again. The thought of an impossible romance with Murphy broke her heart; now that she was no longer whole-heartedly pursuing Bellamy Blake, she could focus on what she'd been blind to when she was whole-heartedly pursuing him.

Ryder shook herself of the thoughts as soon as Octavia placed a hand on her shoulder. She came back down to Earth, remembering she was sat in the Ark's medical room, where she sometimes helped Jackson and Dr. Griffin with some cases. When the possibility of living instead of just surviving down on Earth occurred to Ryder, she figured she might as well take some tips from Jackson and Abby, who allowed Ryder to aid on cases.

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