Despair

fifty-six

when justin stopped reaching out to selena for redemption, he stopped speaking. it's not like he said to himself he has to stop, he just began feeling as if there was no more point. no one listened to his voice or his opinion anymore, so what's the point?

at first, nobody noticed.

not even justin's manager, scooter, who's seen him since the early pre-teen years. it was only until scooter finally found a reason to argue with justin (about justin skipping an award show last minute without warning) that he perceived that justin was acting odd.

after many hours of trying to put the idea into justin's head about how terrible it is to skip the award show he was going to perform at last minute without telling anybody, scooter finally stopped repeating himself and calmed down.

"so, why did you skip the show?" scooter finally speaks calmly, asking the question that taunted justin to this day.

he shrugged.

he didn't know how to answer the question. he didn't understand a lot of things recently. when it was finally time to leave his house (for the first time in weeks), he looked in the mirror, and just stared.

he continued to gloomily look at himself in the reflection.

what seemed like a million times, he kept asking himself, "who am i?"

he couldn't answer that question neither.

he hated how he was feeling, how his appearance was looking, how he felt so insecure about himself - not looks wise. even after so much time gone, the guilt continued to have it's own revival and torture him.

the man in the mirror wasn't him.

the man in the mirror wasn't the son his mother spent years to raise, the son she sacrificed everything for.

the man in the mirror wasn't living his dream as reality anymore.

the man in the mirror was a stranger.

that realisation knocked him off his feet. the tears he tried to swallow back spilled out. he didn't want to be this man anymore. he was tired of acting.

so, that's why he didn't attend the show he was performing for. scooter wouldn't have taken it as an answer, anyway.

but when scooter asked the question, all justin did was shrug.

"justin?" the uncertainty was evident in scooter's voice. "justin?" he repeats, ambling closer to justin who was sitting on the couch motionlessly.  "justin?" he repeats for the third time, desperation slithering into his voice.

silence lingers as scooter anxiously awaits justin's response. he didn't get one.

this moment was the worst moment justin ever lived.

"justin, please, speak to me." scooter crouches down to justin's height, where he sees tears filling scooter's dark chocolate eyes. "please, i need you to speak to me." the tears that pool scooter's eyes swim out, skimming down his cheek.

throughout this, all justin did was stare motionlessly at the man crying in front of him. he didn't want scooter to beg for him to speak, but he also found no will to reach out.

scooter was always a business man who kept his emotions and job apart. today, they collided; today, justin's heart stammered in his chest, the first sign of feelings he's received in awhile.

it wasn't enough, however.

it wasn't enough for justin to find his will to get out of bed.

it wasn't enough for justin to speak again.

* * *

a/n;
please read my new story i published called 'wallflower' !! i'll really appreciate it !! ♡ it's a jason mccann story, i hope you enjoy it !!