✯ | epilogue

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EPILOGUE ;;

LEILA'S HAND WORKED the pencil gracefully across the page, writing out the thoughts she neglected to share with anyone, knowing that the person the letter was addressed to would most likely never come across the page.

Clarke,
I'm lost without you. Every day it feels strange, waking up knowing you're not going to be there. I know you're probably never going to read this and it will end up crumpled amongst the other five billion letters I've written and scrapped, but who cares.
Bellamy and I... well, we're fine. As fine as you can get when you've just killed an entire civilisation. The guilt brings the nightmares; people's faces, disfigured and cold, laughing mercilessly as their hands tear at me. Bellamy's always there, though, and he keeps me grounded.
He's like my anchor; I'm a ship getting tossed around on a sea of emotion, he's the anchor that prevents getting lost at sea.
These past few months – everything that's happened to us as a whole – have sucked. I mean, we've lost countless people and undoubtedly will lose more. We've been betrayed, stabbed in the back, tortured, placed in a hard place, and truly hit rock bottom.
But, I suppose, this letter isn't just for me to ramble on about how crappy our lives are. No, it's a chance for me to tell you that no matter what, time heals all wounds. Yes, you may have reached the lowest of the low (I definitely have) but it doesn't matter. It's what you do with the emotions that makes you who you are.
Me? I'm just going about my daily business, pretending like I'm okay, but inside I'm not. It crushes me, the guilt, I mean. Knowing that all of those lives could have been spared, but then I think to myself, would they have done they same for us?
My favourite author once said: 'and so rock bottom because the foundation on which I rebuilt my life'.
I think what we have to do is take a page out of her book (figuratively) and try and keep going despite our past actions. I'm not saying pretend it never happened, I'm just saying we need to learn from the past and not make the same mistakes.
I miss you. Come home.
Leila.

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