What Matters To Me
1. What do I really care about most in this world? The answer is one word, family. I love my family all of them my little brothers, my little sister, my mom, and my step dad even though he does annoy the crap out of me sometimes. That’s only because everything has to be his way or the high way and that gets me annoyed. He thinks that I am still a little kid and that I shouldn’t be allowed to do or say anything. If I want to go to the mall with my friends he says that I am too young and that I can’t go. But still family is really important to me because it’s all you really have in this world.
2. What I really care about that’s not human? I care about only one thing that is not human well human anymore, my pop-pop he died when I was at the end of sixth grade and I still miss him. I cried myself to sleep for a week after I heard about his death. When my mom and dad got divorced I got really close to him because he was the only male besides my little brother in my life. I loved him to pieces and now I miss him more than ever and at night I try to say good night to him every day and tell him what happened during that day.
3. What I care about that is not visible to the eyes? I care about love even if you can’t see it it’s still there and you can still feel it. I need to feel and believe in love. I have not been loved by my dad since I was really little because soon as he realized that Ben was going to take his shit and I wasn’t he flipped and decided that Ben was the better child and that he loved him more. I also care about love because I want to have that boy who puts his arms around your shoulders from behind you and holds your hand in that kind of gesture that means I am here and I love you.
4. What I care about that other people don’t? I care about books I love being able to get away from this life and jump into other peoples and learn that I am not the only one with big problems in life. I like being able to count on other stories being there for me when I get a chance to read them. It really means a lot to me to be able to read and get transferred to another place in another time.
5. What I am embarrassed to admit I care about? I care about what people think of me. Every guy thinks that I am a girl who sleeps around or kisses everyone they meet, but that’s not me I have self respect which a lot of girls in West Deptford don’t.
6. What makes my head hurt? Thinking about how means my dad was to me. I am really sensitive to things that are like that because it is horrible to think that someone could change someone that much just by saying and doing things to them.
7. What makes my heart ache? Seeing my little sister Haylee and what she will have to grow up to, not knowing her older sister because her mother won’t let me see her. Most families who have been separated say that they will fight to see each other buts that a lie because when most people say it they don’t mean it but I do and I will fight to see her. Because Joy lives with her and will be able to tell her all of the horrible lies that Joy makes up. I think that it is horrible that Haylee will have to live with that she doesn’t need that Haylee is better than that and she deserves better.
8. What makes my skin crawl? When people share their utensils without them being washed. It is just weird even though I share drinks and food with people not caring if they are sick or not and it is fine with me because they are either friends or family. When you don’t wash the utensils before giving them to someone else it is just so weird and it makes my skin crawl.
9. What worry keeps me up at night? The worry is that there are things that I can’t see or people hiding in the shadows in my room. Like when I see a shadow or start thinking about ghosts at night I get really afraid and I can’t go back to sleep. I have been afraid of the dark since I was really little and still sleep with a nightlight on.
10. What do I know for sure? I know for sure that my little sister is probably going to hate me when she gets older because of the things that my step mom is going to tell her. Just because Joy doesn’t like me she is going to try to get Haylee not to like me either. She told me before they got a divorce that she was going to do everything she could to get Haylee to grow up different then me because I am a horrible, awful, and obnoxious, witch of a person and I don’t deserve to have Haylee as a little sister. She said that she won’t let Haylee see me even if she wanted to because she didn’t want to risk having Haylee turn out like me.