Domestic Life Was Never Quite My Style

Chapter 28

Hangovers and Middle Aged Dad Fights

(This is Long™ and Awful™ im sorry)

Alex's POV

"John? Babe you gotta get up. You have work in like, an hour." I said gently shaking him, and he groaned.

"Fuck. Leave me alone. I feel like shit." I said, then hid under the blanket.

"I know. Here, take this." I said, and handed him an Advil and a glass of water.

He swallowed the Advil and drank the water while glaring at me. "Thanks, asshole."

"Welcome dickhead. Now get up, the turtles and other aquatic life in need of being rehabilitated need you." I said and laughed.

"Can't I just call in sick?" He asked.

"Well, I suggest you wake up before Philip manages to get out of his crib again."

"He's not-" said John, before Philip came running in.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! I'm hungry! Daddy! Daddy! Make food!" He said, then climbed on the bed and jumped around.

"Dadddddddyyyyy!" He yelled, before John finally got up and picked him up.

"Okay, how about papa makes you some food while I take a shower?" He asked, and Philip gave him a thumbs up.

He handed him over to me. "You've been crawling out of your crib a lot. Maybe it's time for a big boy bed." I said, and he smiled.

"YAY!!!!!"

"Well that's gonna be a long trip to Ikea." Said John grumpily, then walked into the bathroom.

Lafayette's POV

"Hey, Alex? Are you busy right now?" I asked, over the phone.

"Um... Yes? I'm at work? Like any other person at 11 AM on Tuesday?" He asked, annoyed. I probably interrupted him from writing a six page article on the similarities between Trump and a bag of rocks or some shit.

"Look, I have a problem, and it's kind of embarrassing, and I need your advice. You can't tell anyone." I said.

"Okay, I'm telling everybody though if it's really funny." He said, a little happier.

I awkwardly shifted around. Man this is uncomfortable. "Okay fine. You remember how me and Herc went on a 'sexy couples' cruise?"

"Yes, I made fun of you with Angelica about it for like three hours."

"Thanks for that. So anyway, we decided that we would try something new, so we got handcuffs, right? I don't know, I saw it on Cosmopolitan. Quit laughing. And we were going to use them tonight, but I wanted to make sure they worked and were comfortable first. So I put them on, but the keys were laying on the window, so when I tried to maneuver my hands to grab it... it fell... into the ocean."

It was quiet for a solid 30 seconds, before Alex starting laughing his ass off like it was the funniest joke ever.

"Are you kidding me?! Seriously?!"

"Yeah..."

"Why isn't Herc helping you?"

"He's off at some washboard tournament. I told him I'd go to cheer him on but... I can't really leave like this. I called you with my nose."