Desperate, lost, and frantic, Jeff finds himself in the same place he usually does in the situations, at the Cedar room with his friends. After suffering the biggest humiliation to date, Jeff is desperate to make amends with Katie but can't think of a good way to do it. It's not like Hallmark has a card that says 'I'm sorry I mistakenly offered to gratify your mother sexually, I hope we can still be friends'.
Niko and Louis were also there with him and could tell Jeff was getting lost in a thought spiral. They've seen this many times before, Jeff gets lost in his own thoughts and he may as well be 1,000,000 miles away. It was time to snap him out of it.
"Just go to her and tell her what happened," Niko said matter-of-factly.
"I don't know where to find her and even if I did, I wouldn't even know what to say."
"She should be a breeze to find," Louis said. "Women that age are always talking about where they are and what they're doing. Just go on to her social media.
"Yeah, because that's worked so well for him before," Niko says.
Just then, Ashley comes in and plops down at the table. "I'm so screwed. My wait staff canceled for my champagne social tomorrow night. Get this - they're actors who just got hired for the same production. Leave it to me to hire the only two actors in this city who can actually find work."
"What about me?" Louie asks.
"You have a full time job and don't pay rent."
"So what. I like cash."
"Okay fine. You're lucky I'm desperate."
Niko's cell phone rings. The call display shows it's Tanya.
"Well hello there."
"Hi. I only have a minute but I was wondering if you wanted to be my date to my life coach's party tomorrow night."
Niko did his best to conceal that he was immediately overcome with terror. He had yet to seal the deal with Tanya and he knew that if Ashley knew they were secretly seeing each other, she would put the kibosh on it before he could experience the sheer euphoria of that first unhooked bra clasp. No, he thought to himself, it cannot end here.
"Couldn't we just meet up after it?" he offered.
"I was telling her about you today and she said if you were really different from the other jerks, you'd come with me to important functions. She said if you don't come with me, it will prove you're just trying to get into my pants."
Niko is now glaring at Ashley. "She said that? Well of course I'll come with you. Is it okay if I meet you there?"
"Great. Can't wait. Okay bye."
Niko hangs up.
"I'm so screwed."
Later that night when Jeff should have been sleeping, he instead found himself in front of his computer pouring through Katie's social media pages. As he scrolls through updates he sees one from earlier that day that reads. 'Can't wait lead the mob squad tonight at Dorchester Square.'
There's a part of him that thought for a second, you know every other time you've tried this it's ended up in abject failure and humiliation. But like all the other times, he convinced himself this time it'll be better. Jeff is like a degenerate gambler in Vegas is convinced that yes, he's left his money at the casino all that all those other times but now he has a sure fire system to win it all back.
YOU ARE READING
The New TwentyHumor
***WATTYS 2017 WINNER*** When the newly single, 40 year-old Jeff Dempsey suffers an agonizing humiliation at his high school reunion, he comes to realize he has accomplished almost nothing with his life. Armed with this new found insight, Jeff char...