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This is a fictional story on how I became a prison officer working at a prison and the sexual encounters I enjoyed along the way.


Dear diary, this feels very strange indeed! I haven’t written a diary entry since I was fifteen; when filled with angst against the world in general and in particular that I was unable to lose my virginity no matter how hard I tried. I would fill page after page with my rantings. So here I am now some thirty years later making another go of it.... why? I hear you ask. Long story, let’s just say that after spending twenty years in the army and a failed marriage behind me I think it’s time to get my head together and climb out of the doldrums I have been wallowing in for the last eighteen months and this seems as good a place as any to start. So thank you diary, although you say nothing back to me you are going to help me put my thoughts down on paper and let me see the world as it really is, for a change.


I have decided the first part of my recovery plan is getting myself a job. Yes I know, financially, I don’t need to work full time thanks to my army pension and divorce settlement but a man needs to feel fulfilled and bouncing around these four walls and going down the pub is doing me no good at all. So I went down to the newsagent this morning and picked up last week’s local paper to see what jobs were available that might be suitable for me and of interest. Initially I couldn’t see anything at all, but then over a second cup of coffee it caught my eye. There tucked away in the corner was the strangest sounding advert I have ever seen, naturally it piqued my interest and I couldn’t resist giving the number a call. This is what the advert said, what do you make of it?

“Are you fit and of sound mind? Do you believe in tough love? Do you agree that everyone deserves a second chance but if they refuse to reform they should be punished? Are you available to start immediately? If so, why not start a new career with the prison service. Give us a call on 0800 012 3456 and ask for an application pack”

When I called the number I got an automated message asking me to leave my name, address and to list five attributes I consider the most important to me. Mmm, this was unexpected – five attributes, did they mean mental, vocational, physical or all of them? So I hung up, left it a few minutes before calling back and this is the message I left for them.

“Hi my name is Samuel Telby and my address is Flat 135, Berghouse Court, London, EC1V 4XA. My five most important attributes are: Fairness, Loyalty, Fitness, Open-mindedness and Stamina. I would be very grateful if you would send me the application pack as the job advertised sounds very interesting and I would like to learn more about it. Thank you.”

There, that’s it all done, on to the next job application; well it will be next week as there aren’t any other jobs that are any good. By for now diary, it’s the end of a mentally exhausting day and I’m just about beat, so it’s shower and bed for me. Night night.


The application pack has arrived through the post. All I can say, it seems the ideal job for me. I’m just worried it’s going to be too good to be true. I spent most of this morning reading and rereading the information booklet and job specification, then this afternoon I took my time and completed the application form with great care. I then raced down to my local post office to return it by recorded delivery.

In brief, this is what it’s all about:

HMP Ollerton is a failing prison and is in urgent need of modernisation and change in focus. The prison service is seeking a complete change of staff under the guidance of the new Prison Governor Liam Havers. He requires from his staff total trust and loyalty, ability to withstand the pressures associated with policing dangerous and difficult male prisoners, willingness to undergo professional and on the job training. In return a generous salary and benefits package is provided for the right candidates.