Head Over Heels - A Simon and Baz fic

5. Baz

I stand staring at the doorway long after Snow's metaphorical coattails have whipped out of sight. My brain seems to have been replaced by a ball of treacle which is having trouble processing things at my usual speed.

Simon Snow, my arch enemy of seven years, may be in love with me.

There's no spell on him; I saw it lifted with my own eyes. I suppose the reason my spell was so powerful was because I just amplified what feelings were already present. I can't wrap my head around this. Does my long assumed unrequited love actually have a chance of becoming something which goes both ways? I don't even know if I could love Snow that close up. It feels like it would be too much, like I would be suffocated in the smoke from his fire.

But no, no matter how much it hurt me, I could never be without him. He's been the lone spark in my life for so long, keeping me from becoming the cold-hearted vampire I dread. I may be colder than any other mage here, but I'm not dead yet. Snow's kept me human. I'm surprised to find a sincere, unironic smile is tentatively conquering my face, the first in a long time.

Simon Snow (The Greatest Mage) (The Chosen One) loves me.

And I love him back.

***

Snow doesn't come back that night.

I stay awake, half because my mind won't shut up, and half because I'm waiting for him to come back and I'll jump up, run across the room, take him in my arms and –

Stop, I chastise myself, this isn't helping. Maybe this doesn't even mean anything. Maybe nothing will change. He obviously doesn't want to be in love with me. He convinced himself it was a spell that was doing it, rather than accepting it as his own feelings. Simon Snow isn't even gay (is he?), he could never be with me.

I wonder where he is. Probably out in the Wavering Wood, kicking a tree stump. The thought makes me smile for a second before my scowl returns. I almost wish I could go back to the simple, one-way affection I'd borne for so long. It was so easy; I never had to worry. I just stared at him when no one was looking at contented myself with that.

But now there's a possibility of more. I could touch him, kiss him, love him. My heart beats faster with the hope I'd never dared to entertain before. I actually have a chance. It may be a small one, but it's something.

A shaft of sunlight forces its way through a gap in the curtains and onto my face, making me flinch. Rude. I guess I'd better get up and face what may be the tensest Wednesday I've ever had to face.