Underneath the Guarded Insecurities: A Prelude

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January 5th 2013

I am a mess.

I am full, and I am empty, and he is horribly beautiful.

I have been fulfilled...and I have been destroyed.

"Say something" drifts from the warm body besides me. His naked skin is pressed against my skin...our backs nearly swallowed by the Olympian like soft mattress with its thick black blankets and fluffy black pillows. My hair is matted...natural hair does that when someone else's hands have been in it...when you have sweated your twist out until your roots are puffed...when your body has been weighed down by another body.

I'm staring at the ceiling bathed in the purple blackness of early morning and graced with thin strands from the silver moon that has slipped through the slit in his drapes. The ceiling fan, the typical white of most apartments, is moving slowly, ruffling the heat that has settled in.

"Blink once if you're ok."

My vulnerability is on display. I pull the blanket up past my chest until it reaches my neck and blink twice, rapidly.

I don't know what to do now.

Not once...but twice. I insisted on being good at this.

I'm dirty.

"Ro, c'mon, you freaking me out" the bed shifts. The blanket moves, and I grasp for it to cover my body because the air on my naked skin feels more terrible than what I've just done.

"Stop it," he sighs. I watch him out of my peripheral as he moves underneath the blanket that is more like a tent now. I watch him until he's leaning over me. I close my eyes, "I know you aint scared of me now."

His warm hands grasp me under my arms, and I'm in the air, exposed again, and then I'm on his chest. He laughs in my hair, "I gotta beg you to cuddle with me? Damn...didn't know I was that ugly."

I place my hand on his chest and murmur against his skin, "Never that."

But I'm still sad.

He massages the small of my back and insists, "I still love you."

As great as it feels being in his arms...being surrounded by this man and intimate with him, it doesn't feel right.

"This isn't love," I whisper.


A/N: I know...I know... O_O

Anyone wanna create a cover for me?

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