It still hurts. I'm gaining back my self-respect bit by bit, but it's so hard after what happened. I've made progress, though, I think. Harry and I are sleeping in the same bed again, but we don't touch too much. Tyler and I are talking more now, and she knows everything. I'm numb to all thoughts about it, and I barely ever think about that night now. It's only been two days, but...I'm getting better. I'm recovering. Perrie's here visiting Zayn for his last concert in LA, and we've been getting along really well. The good thing about her is that she's the only person who doesn't look at me like I might break. She feels bad about what I went through, but she doesn't have that pitying look in her eyes.
"Clara, love?" Louis is standing beside me, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"We have to leave in a few minutes, love," Louis says softly, like I'm fragile. Which, I suppose I am.
"Okay," I whisper. I don't talk enough, so it comes out as a sort of odd croaking sound. That's embarassing...
I change quickly into the shorts and "I Love London" t-shirt that I wore to their signing when I first met them. It feels like ages ago, like I've aged years in the past week. I swear I have a gray hair. A few minutes later, I look relatively decent as we drive in the van to the boys' last performance at the Rose Bowl in this tour. I sit sandwitched between Louis and Harry, and Louis is like my protective older brother, but Harry is my boyfriend and I love him in a different way. I lean my head against Harry's shoulder and he tenses in surprise before relaxing into my loving gesture. I smile slightly, for the first time in days.
"Let's sing something," I suggest, reveling in this new feeling of happiness that I haven't felt since before mom got sick.
"Okay," Liam agrees, looking surprised but relieved. "What song?"
"I dunno, I didn't think that far ahead," I laugh. Everyone stares at me. "What?"
"Nothin', love. We're just excited to see you happy, that's all," Louis assures me. I give him a small smile. The radio decides the song for us, though, and "This Love" by Maroon Five starts playing.
I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart
We belt out the chorus, and the boys are smiling and laughing the whole time. I feel like my heart could burst.
This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
We pull up to the stadium just as the chorus ends and I hum the tune as we get out and follow Paul into the building. The boys do quick runs of the songs to make sure that they have the harmonizing and everything right. Louis pulls me aside after "Story of My Life".
"Look, I know you've been through a lot and you'll probably think I'm crazy, but I was wondering if you wanted to sing with us on stage tonight. The fans love you and...it would be a great way to bring you back. Adrenaline rushes will do that for you--remind yourself of all the things you're missing out on," Lou suggests. I smile and nod.
YOU ARE READING
How would you feel if your whole world was ripped from under you, leaving you free falling? Wouldn't you want someone to catch you? When Clara Higgens's mom dies from an unknown disease, Clara has no where to turn, except to her new and unexpected f...