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I open my eyes realising its been a week since I ended things with Chris, I regret everything and I miss him so much but I know that he won't ever take me back, I'll just have to deal with it. I'm supposed to start school today but I really couldn't be bothered to, my parents said they'll let me do school at home for a while if I'm really not able to go to school and to be honest I'm not, I feel so sick and heartbroken and everyone probably knows about Chris and I and how we broke up. I decided to check my phone for the first time in a week, I am pretty scared but I had to. I opened up twitter first and saw that I got a lot of dms, some of them asked why Chris and I broke up, some said they're sad Chris and I broke up, some were happy and there were also people hating on me but I didn't reply to them. I checked to see if Chris had tweeted and he only tweeted once this whole week, his tweet said "thanks guys. think before you do bc you never know how much damage can be done, bye, I'm taking a break" seeing his tweet made me cry, I had hurt him so much and I couldn't stand myself. I checked Instagram and saw the same dms had been sent to me on Instagram, Chris hasn't updated on Instagram this whole week but Jakob and Ethan posted the usual stuff. I went back to my dms and saw that Jakob and Ethan had dmed me.

J: Mara, please tell me what happened with you and Chris? You can't have just broken up with him over some stupid rumour right? Please Mara just message Chris, he's having a really hard time.

M: I'm sorry Jakob but I know Chris won't want me to message him, I've screwed everything up. I should just stay out of your lives, sorry.

And then I went on to read Ethan's dm.

E: Mara how could you?? Do you know how good you guys were? Do you even know what you're doing to Chris and how much this has affected him?!? I can't believe you ended things with him just over that stupid rumour wow Mara.

M: Ethan I'm so sorry!! I regret everything I did please I'm so sorry :( its okay you guys hate me, I'm getting so much hate anyways so it doesn't matter. I'm so sorry for what I've done to Chris, its all my fault :(


By now I was crying so much, I had ruined everything. I lost the 3 guys that mean the world to me, the whole fandom hates me and worse the guy I love is suffering because of what I did to him. I wanted to end things, I laid down onto my bed and rested my head on my pillow, my pillow was drenched by all the tears. I just laid there sobbing, I hated my life, I wanted to die. My mum walked in and told me I could stay home and that she had arranged with my school for me to do school at home for a while, she gave me some tea and left me alone. After an hour of crying I got up and walked to my bathroom locking the door behind me. I opened a drawer to find a sharp object in it, I stood there looking at it for a while until finally picking it up. I placed it on my wrist thinking if I should do it or not, but I did. The sharp object cut my skin and instantly started bleeding, I dropped the sharp object and held my wrist under the tap to the rinse the blood off, I then got out a bandage and wrapped it around my wrist. I cleaned up the sink and sharp the object so that you couldn't see any blood and walked back to my room. I opened my closet and put on my In Stereo jumper so that it covered my arm and got back into bed. And then I just laid there again, staring at the ceiling. This time I didn't cry, this time I just felt numb, I couldn't feel any emotions. I was just numb. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.















▪well... hope you enjoyed?? I'll try and update soon xx▪

D.M.S•Chris LanzonWhere stories live. Discover now