Saving Avery

Chapter 6

We pull up to mine and Harry's house a few minutes later. I unbuckle Avery's seat while Harry gets our bags. The boys coo over Avery for a few minutes, and I watch them, putting me in a better mood. Then I smile and finally manage to tear her away from them, saying good-bye and stepping into the house. Harry follows close behind, his hand naturally falling against my back. He leans his head over my shoulder and whispers to Avery, "Welcome home, princess." I smile and lean my head against his shoulder, yawning in spite of myself. Harry's hand wonders up and down my back. "You tired, love?" He asks in his husky voice. I nod and grudgingly break away from him, setting Avery and the diaper bag on the ground. "Let's get our things unpacked and then it's nap time, all right?" I say as I remove several changes of clothing from the bag. Harry smiles and nods, then begins unpacking our bag, humming to himself. After unpacking her things, I change her and feed her. Harry bustles about the house, putting his and my things away while cleaning up a bit. "Harry if you'd wait a moment I'll help you clean up!" I call from the couch. He pauses in folding laundry and grins at me. "No, darling, I've got it. You need to rest." I smile hugely and just nod. I love him so much. After feeding Avery, I lay her down and then change into my robe to try taking a quick nap. But I can't stop thinking about Harry and how perfect everything seems. At that thought, I finally drift off.

~ ~ ~

I awake a few hours later to the sound of Avery crying. I quickly feed her and then lay her back down. I hear water running in the kitchen, which means Harry is either cooking or doing dishes. I shake my head and smile. He's grown so much in the past nine months, and made me fall in love with him all over again at least twenty times. Still smiling to myself, I wander into the bathroom. I pick up my brush to try to sort out the tangles there, and as I do so, the side of my robe falls open, revealing my side. Glancing down, I notice a few stretch marks. Then my eyes wonder over my hips, my stomach, my thighs. I had never been particularly skinny, always a bit overweight. Harry had convinced me I was beautiful. But for some reason seeing those stretch marks, scars, and the result of being pregnant for nine months still hanging off my body slowly broke me down. I stared at my stomach for a long while before tears began falling. I didn't even realize I was crying until a sob escaped my lips. That's when I heard the water in the kitchen abruptly stop. "Tayler?" Harry called, a note of concern in his voice. I sniffled and took a deep breath. "Y-yes?" I tried answering steadily, but I was still overcome with emotion. I was swiping at the tears when Harry came rushing in. I instinctively turned my face away and pulled the robe tighter as he looked me over, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"My love, what's wrong?" He asks in a half-whisper. I just shake my head and bite my lip to try to keep back another sob. Harry immediately has me in his arms, rocking me back and forth. The movement causes my robe to fall open again, and I dart to close it. But Harry is watching me carefully and stops my head just before I can close my hideous body off to his eyes. I cringe and turn away as his eyes travel the length of my thighs, my stomach, my chest.

"Don't look at me like this... Harry please..." I manage through the tears that are spilling over.

"Tayler. What's gotten into you? Don't you know that it doesn't matter what you weigh, you're beautiful? You're perfect, baby." He tries to comfort me, running his hand along my cheek to wipe away the tears which won't stop falling, his husky voice dropping to a soothing whisper. But I can only shake my head and sob as memories from my childhood and teenage years come rushing back- hideous flashbacks of being teased for being overweight, of eventually developing an eating disorder. I remember the few people who always tried to console me about my weight- Rachel, Allie, Ashely. But that was all. Even my own mother didn't help me much. And so I continued to starve myself. Until the day I passed out in the middle of class because I hadn't eaten for several meals in a row. That was a reality check for me. I had to tell everyone about it, undergo counseling, and worst of all, give up trying to lose weight. From that day on I slowly grew better again, maintaining a healthy weight and boosting my self-esteem day by day. Yet, that feeling that I was too big, that I'd never be good enough, was always in the back of my mind. It almost disappeared when I met Harry- almost. It was back and stronger then ever now. And so I wordlessly allowed Harry to rock me back and forth as I held the robe tightly around me. When the tears slowed, Harry pulled me to my feet and nudged me into our bedroom. I was too distracted and worn out to ask what he was doing. That's when he walked over to the stereo and popped a CD in. I opened my mouth to protest, to say that I was too tired to sing or anything, but that's when the first notes of A Lot to Lose by Tesla rang out. I slowly sank onto the bed as Harry sang the first few lines softly to me. This was our song, the song that had played during our first date and what we'd danced to at our wedding. It was a cheesy ballad with a hard-rock melody and old-school singing and effects, but the lyrics meant a lot to us. And so as Tesla screamed about love and loss, Harry pulled me to my feet once more, and before I could protest, he pulled my robe off so I was in nothing but a bra and underwear. I stared up at him in disbelief, but he only smiled softly and pulled me against him, gripping one of my hands while putting the other at my back. Then he began twirling me around, singing and smiling and basically reminding me why I'd fallen in love with him. I just laid my head against his shoulder, allowing myself to relax yet crying at the same time. It was amazing, the effect he had on me. I didn't think I could love him more- until Avery was born. At that thought, I glanced over to where she was still sleeping peacefully in her tiny bed, one fist against her cheek, eyelids shielding her baby blues from the world. And for just a moment, I teetered on the very top of happiness. Only for a moment.