The Cost of Love

4 AM (With Him)

4 Am

As his hands began to grace my skin, soft and warm grabbing a hold of my thighs as blood rushed to my dick, and I found myself on top of him. His hands wide and soft grab a hold of me while my mind tells me to stop, my body hastens and my eyes search for his. Both my hands grab his arms and push him down while I grind against him and he wraps his legs around me. I lift up his shirt to see his brown body exposed and he lifts mine, both shirts falling to the floor like snow.

                I could feel his fingertips warm and soft caressing my edges as if he was eroding away at my container, going straight for the contents. He was unraveling me with his touch and I let go off all my tension. Deep kiss followed by deeper kisses like waves following each other in succession. Kissing so deeply as if we gasping for each other’s breath until we both lost sight and control of who we were, and enveloped one another. I disappeared for a moment into his arms, and he let himself  in, thrusting deeper into that vast part of me so seldom explored now. He laid me down and explored me not as someone who was curious about me, but by a familiar and fond traveler tracing the walls of my cave tenderly and tightly.

                My eyes closed but my arms managed to find him and I began to embrace him as he dove deeper. This was the first time I had bottomed and really enjoyed it. I was scared but I felt at home before I could contemplate it more, he said “Open your eyes I want you to see me, and I want you to know it’s me.” I smiled and I held him closer, within two hours we were finished and laid depleted on the floor. It was 12am and it began to rain. I hadn’t checked my phone and as much as I wanted to tell Ruby I’m okay I wanted to just lay here more. I sent her a good night text and soon fell asleep next to him.

                I can feel something kissing me and something heavy on top of me, it must be him trying to go for round two, I just lay with my eyes closed and relax so it’s easier to go in. As much as I relax something feels different, the smile on my face is disappearing as my eyes open and I see Ricardo lying on the floor in the same spot as when we fell asleep. I wanted to scream but before I could a large hand covered my mouth, and a deep whisper into my ear said “Ssshhhh It’s 4am Time for Sin.”

I tried to move and squirm away, kicking and pushing bucking and tossing, but he was to heavy, the more I fought the more pleasure he got. “Oh yeah baby fight for your freedom, make me enjoy this baby!” I pushed and pushed and just as I knocked him off, I felt him let go, a stream of 6 shots all landing on me, blanketing brown with white trails of sin. I caught a glimpse of him he was huge, and white with several rolls of fat hanging from his side, no wonder I couldn’t get him off. I saw Ricardo waking up, and I pushed myself up against the wall scurrying looking for where my clothes were. If I could just find them I could grab my knife.

                That’s when I heard him say “Ricardo I didn’t think you’d bring home such a nice piece of ass.” Ricardo smiled and left the comforts of the blankets and walked over in the nude to the 300lb looking stranger and gave him a kiss.

                “Jessie he isn’t a piece of ass, he’s my ex” Ricardo said as he walked towards the kitchen.

                “Oh the one that you were staying in that dump down town with? No wonder you stayed.” He made a hefty laugh that was common among big men, like lumber jacks laughing at jokes after a day’s work. He even carried that same smile.

                “Anyway kid here.” I saw him reach into his pocket and grab out a couple of bags filled with white powder and lay them on a piece of table with some straws. Ricardo sprang into action and began lining the powder up into 5 even rows, as I watched him do this I noticed the man, Jessie do a few lines too.

                “Hey kid you’re pretty tight you down to party with us, I got the best cut available today?”

                “Yeah come on Michael try some it makes having sex 10x better.” He walked towards where in was on the floor and tried grabbing my hand and lifting me up.

                “Don’t Fucken touch me Ricardo” I pushed his hand away, and grabbed my clothe lifting them up. He grabbed me and kept trying to kiss me and pull me to where the drugs were, I kept my mouth and lips closed tightly. I just kept walking almost running out of the flat door out into the streets; this was my exodus. I didn’t know where I was or where I was going, but that’s the way life is most times.

                I could hear him coming from the flat behind me, so I hastened my step as to evade him, and just when I had gotten away he was there at the corner waiting for me.

                “Where are you going Michael? It’s raining just stay here” His body was moving he was very jittery, and I knew that the drugs were kicking in. “Come on babe just stay here it can be just like old times.”

                “No Ricardo I’m not staying” He hugged me very tightly and looked up at me and smiled. He wasn’t more than two inches shorter than me but this is how he used to comfort me. I held my breath when he hugged me, held it so tightly within my chest so he could not hear how broken it had become in his absence. His eyes looked up at mine and when I looked into his I didn’t see Ricardo, I saw a crack whore.

                “I’m sorry but as much as I miss those days and I missed you. You lost that rite to be the one to tell me to stay when you left.” He let go and I walked away with my head ad backed turned against the past, this unwanted present and looking toward my future decisions. It Was still 4 am.