Phil Lester
I stand near the lockers, my eyes fixed on the class from which Dan is supposed to disperse, my hands fiddling with themselves nervously. I turn my head immediately, realising that I've been looking at the door for too long.
I spot Pj walking towards me, Chris stalling beside him. They both engaged in what looks like a very humorous conversation, given how much they're laughing. They have been spending a lot of time together now, the thought of PJ replacing me is one that disturbs me a lot at times.
The last time I enjoyed myself as much as they are enjoying themselves right now, was with Dan. He might be an asshole, but he still makes me happy. What am I even going to say to him? It's not like there is anything I can say which will fix the unnecessary tension between us.
I feel a hand slap on my shoulder and I almost squeak in response, my own hands immediately reaching the spot where the person, who I have now recognised as Pj, hit.
"Hey," Pj says with a smile. His green eyes are shining as he puts his arm around my shoulder. I return his smile with as much sincerity that I can manage. It's really difficult to act enthusiastic when you're actually dying of nervousness.
"Hi," I say simply, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my hoodie so Pj or Chris don't notice that they're actually shaking. Why the hell am I so nervous?
"How are you? We haven't been talking that much lately. I miss you, man," Pj says and Chris just stands there awkwardly, obviously uncomfortable because he isn't that friendly with me.
We've only exchanged a few hellos or maybe a little talk about how drama is sometimes really irrelevant but that's about it. He seems like a nice person though, and I would make an effort to speak to him, normally, but today I already have a lot on my plate, so socialising with people is least of my concerns.
"I'm sorry, I was just moping around for a few days but I'm better now, so hopefully you can get your ass back to my apartment sometime," I laugh, and Pj just gives me a wide smile before nodding in agreement.
"We should get going, Pj. We'll miss the bus," Chris butts in reluctantly, and Pj turns his head slightly to look at him before furrowing his eyebrows.
"It's fine if we're a little late. I haven't talked to Phil in so long. Let's stay a while, please?" Pj requests. Chris just shakes his head and slings his arm around Pj's, pulling him behind him. Pj groans, but leaves with him, giving me an apologetic shrug and a smile before going.
Pj looks like he's happy with Chris, I doubt if he even feels the certain emptiness for me as I do for him. He's been my friend for so long, and I feel terrible for ignoring him the way I did but I didn't think he would be this quick to just replace me with someone else.
My thoughts about Pj vanish as soon as my eyes land on a familiar mop of brown hair, and they blossom into nervous ones about Dan. I expect him to say something before he walks past me, but he doesn't. He just groans, not even looking at me once, but I know he's noticed my presence.
"Wait! Dan!" I call out, and Dan turns around, regarding me with his shrewd brown gaze. He looks at me with his chestnut eyes guarded and his expression impassive, so much so that I can't even tell if he's annoyed, surprised or both.
"What?" He snaps harshly, a contrast to my nervous and jittery tone. He looks so unaffected by this whole thing.
"N-nothing." I say, shaking my head. It's only when he starts to walk away again that I realise that that wasn't what I had to say. I jog up to him and grab his hand, forcing him to turn around and look at me.
"Listen, um, I," I begin, really wishing that I can just get this over with for once and for all. I don't think I enjoy this ignoring too much.
"What do you want?" Dan snaps again, his irritated tone just demotivating me further, making a little specimen of a lump form in my throat. Why is he so harsh?
"I-I," I begin, insecurity and nervousness getting the best of me once again.
"What? You what?" Dan says. Should I ask him to forgive me? What have I even done? I've honestly not even understood what happened between us. It was like a rollercoaster; it went up but it came down equally quickly.
"I, um," I say, mentally scanning a list of things I could say and striking off all the options. I should have planned this.
"Can you hurry the hell up? Look if you don—"
"Could you drop me home?" I blurt out before I can even realise what I'm saying.
Obviously, I said that. Out of all things I could have said, I chose to say that. God, I wish there was some button to go back in time and correct what I said. He'd probably think that I'm a weirdo now.
"What?" He says and I notice his lips curl up in a smile, just slight enough for me to notice. Little indents of deep dimples form in his cheeks but soon disappear because his grin fades when he realises that he started smiling.
"Could you please drop me home?" I repeat, the heat travelling to me cheeks out of embarrassment. God, I'm such an idiot.
"You're so ridiculous," He says, rolling his eyes again, trying to keep up his ignorant persona, and I just bite my lip before shaking my head.
"I'll tell you on the way, I promise,"
"Tell me what?" He asks, running a hand through his fringe. The ends of his brown tufts are starting to turn into ringlets and fall on his forehead. I wish I could tell him that he should keep his hair like that more often, but obviously, I'm in no place to say that.
"That's, um, a surprise,"
"It better not be something stupid, because if it is, I'll kick you out," He says and I roll my eyes at him slightly.
"You can leave me hand now, you know. Or you can hold it till we reach. It's your choice, really," He says as he start to walk towards the student parking lot. Roses of embarrassment bloom on my cheeks almost instantly as I look down, his fingers curling around my hand even though he claims to not like it.
I just smile to myself, gripping his hand just a little tighter and from the corner of my eye I can see his cheeks flush a light pink, and he coughs slightly to hide the smile that is aching to form on his face.
This is the happiest I've been this week.
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thanks -sailingships
