60. Life as Normal

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I dragged myself out of the hotel on Tuesday afternoon to buy some clothes. I had no intention of returning to Jays house. Our house. Ever.

"Mia, hi. Are you feeling better, we've been so worried about you." Tanya, the receptionist, showed real concern.

"I'm fine Tanya, thanks. Just a stomach bug." 

Before I could head to my desk, she spoke again.

"Your friends have been blowing up the switchboard."

She handed me a bunch of messages and as I scanned them I saw Jay, Megan and Cam's names.

"Thanks Tanya, I'll be sure to let them know I'm still alive."

I gave her what I hoped looked like a genuine smile as I walked over to my desk, binning the messages she'd handed me.

It was actually good to keep busy, my mind had no time to wander and for the first time in days, I felt 'normal'. 

Until I headed back to the hotel.

I studied the room service menu before deciding that I couldn't stomach anything and crawled into bed, knowing another restless night was ahead of me.

My tears were long gone, replaced with an agonising emptiness.

I hadn't switched my phone on since Sunday night and I bit my lip as I wondered if I should. I owed Cam and Megan a call, at least to let them know I was okay. Jay could go to hell...exactly where he'd put me.

I plugged in my phone and turned it to silent, not wanting to hear the influx of messages I knew would come through. When it was charged enough, I dialled Megan.

After the first ring, I heard her worried voice.

"Mia? Are you okay? Jesus, you've scared me half to death. Where..."

I cut her off. "Hi Megan. I just wanted to let you know I'm alright. Tanya said you've been calling."

Even to me, my voice sounded dead; emotionless.

"Mia, where are you?"

"It doesn't matter, I just wanted you to know I'm okay."

"Mia, please?"

My voice broke as I answered. "It's best this way Megan. I'm sorry." I whispered before I hung up and dialled Cam.

"Hey little lady, I've been worried about you."  He answered and I tried to hold back my emotions.

The three words I said in response were forced from my constricted throat.

"Did you know?"

The silence was heavy and I eventually heard Cam sigh. 

"Not until after you sweetheart." His voice was full of disappointment.

"If you've seen him recently, the black eye he's wearing is courtesy of me." 

I half laughed and half sobbed at his comment.

"Are you okay sweetheart?"  He asked, his voice suddenly serious.  "I've been worried about you."

"Am I okay?"  I pondered his question for a few minutes.  "No Cam, I'm not sure if I'll ever be okay again."  I answered, my voice breaking.

"Just stay on the phone sweetheart, just talk to me.  About anything."

We spoke for a few hours and when my eyes grew heavy we hung up.

"Turn your phone on tomorrow night sweetheart, I'll call you at 8.00."

I could hear the worry in his voice and was grateful that he was there for me.

"I will Cam.  Good night."

I switched my phone off, ignoring the messages I'd received while I'd been speaking with Cam.  The tiredness I'd felt had suddenly left me and the nausea set back in.

Huddled over the toilet, I cursed Jay for putting me through this and I cursed myself for letting him.

I eventually dragged myself into bed only to be woken by my alarm a few hours later.  2 more days of work and I could allow myself to wallow in bed again.  It was the only thing I looked forward to.

It had been a long day at work and I was grateful to be back in my room where I didn't have to pretend that my life wasn't falling apart.  Again!

Jay had left messages for me at work when I'd declined his calls.  Each one made its way into the bin.  Unread.

There was no excuse, no explanation for what he had done. 

My phone rang at 8 on the dot and for the first time today, I smiled.

"Hi Cam."

"Hi sweetheart, how was your day?" 

His voice was warm and comforting.  Exactly what I needed right now.

"It was long, but okay.  How was yours?" 

I listened as he related stories about his day, laughing once or twice along the way.

"It's good to hear you laugh Mia."  He commented and I had to admit that I didn't realise I had.

"Well then sweetheart, it's official.  I bring out the best in you."

This time I laughed wholeheartedly, Cam joining me on the other end of the line.

"Have you spoken to Jay yet?" He asked quietly.

"There's nothing to talk about Cam. He made his choice when he slept with Sam. End of discussion."

I tried to keep my voice even, but even I could hear the slight lilt in my voice.

"Are you going to tell me where you're staying Mia?" He asked a little while later.

"Nope." I gripped the phone tightly. "I'm sorry Cam, I need my space."

"It's okay sweetheart, just let me have these 8.00 phone calls okay? I just need to know you're okay."

I breathed deeply, grateful that he was here for me.

"Yeah Cam, I need these calls too." I admitted.

"Can you do me a favour? Please?"

"Anything Mia, you know that." His voice was so sincere that tears sprang to my eyes.

"Can you let Megan know I'm okay and I'm sorry. She deserves more from me, but I just can't give it yet."

I held back my tears as I thought about how selfish I was being towards her.

"She knows we're talking Mia and she understands. But, she wants you to know that she's there for you."

"This is so fucked up Cam. It wasn't supposed to be like this." I cried.

"I know sweetheart. If it's any consolation, Jay..."

"Don't fucking go there Cam! I swear to god if you fucking mention him, we're done!"

The venom in my voice shocked Cam as much as me.

"He deserves to fucking suffer!" I said before ending the call and turning my phone off.

Double update tonight :)

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