chapter nineteen

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I don't think Carlos's words meant to came out like that. Because if they really didn't mean to come out like they did, I wouldn't be sitting on top of the same building Carlos and I sat on the day after our night of love. I wouldn't be sitting on the same building with the camera I bought the same day in my hands, my jacket zipped up the entire way, and my hoodie covering my messy manbun. Some part of me longed for Carlos to open the vent that led up here and just sit down with me, but I knew that wouldn't happen.

The second he saw me, I knew, he would climb back downstairs and leave. And I would see him pass by down below. And that's what hurt the most. I skipped school today, and came up here to bring back the memories. I was taking pictures of everything that could help me keep the memory of me and Carlos having a make out session and almost, just almost, deciding to stay here the night, but we made our way back to Carlos's house and slept there.

I want my LoLo back. I want his heart in the palm of my hands just like it was before stupid Benjamin made it fall.

I didn't get out of bed until my stomach started to growl loudly that it made Dude bark. I grabbed a baby blanket and covered my warm body with it, going down the stairs and into the kitchen, snatching a pack of pop tarts from the counter and shoving them into the toaster, pressing the ledge down and waiting. There was a knock on the door, and I groaned mentally as I trudged to the living room, unlocking the door and swinging it open, "Jay, I'm--"

"I'm not Jay."

I look up and notice that it's Benjamin standing at the doorway instead of Jay, a cocky smirk plastered onto his face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, closing the door a bit.

"I wanted to talk to you. Can I come in?" He asked, pointing to the inside.

"S-Sure. I guess." I shrug, opening the door wider so he could step inside, "What did you want to talk about?" I asked, closing it behind him and going back into the kitchen.

"Well, I heard what happened with Jay, and I wanted to send my truest condolences. That must hurt. I can't imagine somebody doing that to you after they promised you that they loved you."

I looked at him with the crazy eye, "Look who's talking." I muttered low enough for him to not hear it.

"Anyways, I also wanted to say that I'm here if you ever need to talk or need a shoulder to cry on, or anything you need, I'm here for you." I could see him smiling charmingly from the corner of my eye as I got out my pop tarts from the toaster, putting them in a napkin and letting them cool off first.

I turned around and stared at Benjamin, "Okay. Cool." I pursed my lips and nodded.

"That's-That's it?" I raised an eyebrow, "I took time off my day to say this! Do you know how much time I took to get the courage to come up here and say to myself that you wouldn't slap me as soon as you saw me?" His voice was starting to raise, and I took a step back. Once he saw me, he calmed down.

I looked down, "I don't know what to say, that's all. Too much has been happening for me and I don't know how to react to any thing right now. I'm sorry."

He sighed, "Don't apologize. I should apologize for not accepting what you said in the first place. But, I really do want you to start trusting me again." He shrugged.

"Benjamin, I just got off of a breakup, I don't--" I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence when he cut me off.

"Not as a couple. As friends. I don't want to hurt you again. That's been happening too much for you and I don't want to be the next one as to hurt you. So... friends? At least?"

Before I could answer, the door opened and shut back close. Loud footsteps were getting louder as they walked towards the kitchen, and I took steps back as the shadow was shown. Benjamin stepped in front of me, but I pushed him back, wanting to see who it is. A leather boot came into sight, and soon a buff body as well.


He took a quick look at me, and then at Benjamin, and then back at me, taking a deep breath and saying, "I just came here to get my stuff. I won't be a bother." He went up the stairs and came back down quickly, clutching his suitcase in his hand while running down the stairs, giving me another look before walking back to the living room.


The door swinged opened just as I reached the living room, and I could see Jay walk down the driveway and towards his car.


He spun around, clutching his suitcase harder than he was before, "What?!" He snapped. I flinched and took a step back, "Wha-What are you doing? You're taking your stuff?" I motioned to his bag and he looked down at it, "Uh, yeah, you kinda told me to, remember? Last night you called me and told me it was better if we had space, so, I came here to pick it up."

"But... so soon?"

"Yeah, I guessed you wanted it to be out of your house as soon as possible so you wouldn't get even more heartbroken with things that remind you of me, so I ran to the city to... run some errands, and then I came here." He looked at something behind me, and I instantly knew it was Benjamin, "Also, sorry to... interrupt anything that was going on when I came in. I shouldn't have barged in like that." Jay shrugged, "So, uh, you made your decision. That's great." He turned back around but I stopped him from going anywhere else.

"What? What decision are you talking about?" My brows knotted together.

"Yeah, your decision. You decided to have someone to help you get through something I didn't do -- obviously -- and I understand. He can treat you much better than I can."

"What makes you believe that?"

"Well, I don't believe it. Not at all. But by what I saw when I walked in kinda convinced me a bit, sadly."

"No, Jay, you got it all wrong--"

"No, it's fine, it really is. You made your decision Carlos, I don't want to interfere with it, so I'll just be leaving now. Don't think of me to bother you anymore. Just let me know when you want me to come back into life and I'll be there."

I took a step towards him but he stepped back and opened the door to his car, throwing the suitcase in there, and going to the other side of the car.

"Goodbye, Carlos."



the next chapters, for what i have imagine, will be worse i guess

not "let me prepare with tissues because a just updated better than revenge"

until next chapter!


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