In Your Dreams // phan

e i g h t

I felt the stares and I heard the whispers but none of it bothered me as much as I thought it would. Because Phil was there and that made it all worth it.

English class went by quickly, with me and Phil sneakily texting back and forth the entire time. I liked texting Phil. It was easier than talking. The talking part I was a little anxious about but I trusted that Phil was chatty enough for the both of us.

When I wasn't texting Phil I was staring at him, as I had the luxury of doing so from my seat in the back corner. Phil turned around a few times to smile at me and so did the boy in front of him, PJ I think it was, though his smiles were a little more hesitant. Like he wasn't too sure how to act around me.

Not many people did to be fair. The lady at the front office who remembered me from before, handed me my timetable so gently and cautiously it was as if she was afraid I'd shatter under the weight of it.

The principal, who I was required to meet with to discuss my incredibly poor attendance, spoke to me slowly and softly like he was attempting to calm a child on the verge of bursting into tears.

It should have been frustrating, but I was too tired to really care all that much. I was running on two – three hours sleep tops, and my morning so far had been the opposite of relaxing.

My mum, who ordinarily encouraged me to go school, was a little apprehensive about me choosing today to make my grand return, considering how my morning went down. She didn't think I could handle it in my current frame of mind.

And maybe she was right. Perhaps I was crazy in thinking I could do this. In fact, I started to forget why I decided this was a good idea in the first place. Until I walked into that classroom and locked eyes with my soulmate.

He was why.

When the bell rang signalling the end of class, Phil practically leapt out of his seat and made his way over to me. "Hey," he said, beaming from ear to ear.

"Hey," I replied, unable to stop the smile that appeared on my face as well. I quickly discovered that Phil's presence alone was enough to make me smile.

"Hey," Phil said again. His eyes studied me as I packed away my books and pencil case, which were really only out for show. I didn't take a single note.

My cheeks heated up under the intensity of his gaze. "You already said that," I mumbled, embarrassed.

"I know," Phil said, grin still plastered on his face. "I'm just excited to see you again. I didn't think you were coming."

"I didn't think I was either," I said honestly. But I wanted to see you again too.

I didn't voice that last part. I was a little embarrassed by it to be honest. I missed out on almost two whole years of school and when I finally decided to return it was all because of a boy. It sounded sappy in my head and I was worried that it would sound even sappier when verbalised.

"Well I'm glad you did," Phil said sincerely. We simply held each other's gaze for a moment with neither of us saying anything. It was weird to look at him now, knowing that he was my soulmate. Knowing that he was my perfect other half and that we were destined to spend our lives together.

I wasn't entirely sure how to proceed. Were we, like, a thing now? How did this work? We already knew the final score, were we still expected to play the game?

But the question was answered when I remembered that we didn't know the final score. Just because the universe decided we should be together didn't mean it would work out that way. It was rare, but it happened. And there was a very real chance that it would turn out that way with Phil, considering how big of a burden having me as a soulmate actually was.

I wanted to ask him what he dreamt about, whether it was a good memory or a bad memory, when we were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. The boy who had sat in front of Phil had materialised next to him, startling Phil out of his trance. "Oh, right. Dan, meet PJ," Phil said, blushing a light pink.

I was glad that Phil formally introduced him to me. Although I was fairly confident that his name was indeed PJ, I only had a vague memory of him and would have absolutely died of embarrassment if I had gotten it wrong.

I nodded to PJ with a small smile. I didn't know if he remembered me; he showed no indication that he did. But it was better that way anyhow. Perhaps a clean slate was what I needed.

"So, soulmate, care to join us for lunch today?" Phil put emphasis on the word 'soulmate' and it made my heart skip a beat. "You don't have to of course. If you have friends that you want to catch up with I won't mind," Phil said politely. "Okay, I'd mind a little bit," he clarified, grinning apologetically at me, and I couldn't help but chuckle in response.

I thought back to the people that I used to hang out with when I regularly attended school and wasn't sure that 'friends' was the right word to describe them. I sat with them during lunch but the relationships never really extended beyond that.

"No, I'd love to join you," I said a bit too eagerly. I quickly briefed a glance at PJ. "I mean... I don't want to intrude though." I looked down at my shoes, anxiously averting my gaze.

Phil looked a little taken aback at my words. "You wouldn't be intruding! Right, Peej?"

"Oh, I don't mind at all. I'd love to get to know the guy who has our Phil absolutely smitten." PJ draped an arm around Phil's shoulders and ruffled his hair playfully. Phil rolled his eyes but his cheeks turned bright red at PJ's comment. Though mine were probably of a similar shade.

I smiled tentatively, and nodded. I was simultaneously excited and terrified at the prospect. What made it worse was that I had the entirety of study hall to dwell on it, which was a little worrying. Being alone with my thoughts was a dangerous thing.

As we made our way out of the classroom Phil looked as if he was about to reach for my hand but thought better of it at the last moment. I felt a tiny twinge of disappointment that he didn't, which surprised me.

I'd had crushes before but this one was different. It developed so quickly, so intensely. Not even a day had passed since I met Phil and already I was feeling all the feelings. My heart fluttered, my skin tingled, my breath hitched. It was scary, but a good kind of scary for once.