Chapter 78

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When Vicki dropped me back off at home I felt like death. It was freaking me out so much up to the point where I felt that I had to be physically sick. I knew that it was slightly to do with the pregnancy, but the stress was beginning to get to me.

And, naturally, I had no idea what to do once I found out. I ended up taking another test for confirmation – of which it was again positive. I didn’t know if I was supposed to go to the doctors, or if I was supposed to wait, or what.

I couldn’t exactly ask my mom either, because I couldn’t tell her – not until I had talked to Matt about everything. Although, I did gain slight comfort from the fact that she at least approved of our relationship, and therefore would not be as mad as my dad.

He could never know.

As the morning sickness fully kicked in, and as the anxiety of talking to Matt made it worse, I found myself home from school ill again. My mum had been worried – confused – she didn’t really understand how I could still be stressed despite the fact that I hadn’t gone back to school, and she and my dad weren’t arguing constantly.

She had even suggested that I go back to my counsellor – Mr Robles – and told me that once Matt got back from the field trip, she was going to get him to talk to me.

Along with all of this, I continued to throw up, and my mom tried to give me all manner of medication to combat it, but I had to spit it out in the bathroom immediately after. Like I said, I was completely stunned as to what to do with the pregnancy. I had no idea about anything.

I think she knew that there was something hanging in the air between Matt and I, although I wasn’t sure if she was on the trail. Well, a pregnancy would have probably been her last thought anyway. He hadn’t answered any of my phone calls, and I had tried to call him every night.

And so, four days into the acknowledgement of pregnancy, it was the night before Matt was due to return home.

I was so scared, I’d had nothing to do with him, and I didn’t even know if he’d talk to me when he came home. I didn’t know what he’d do, what he was thinking, or if he was as scared as I was.

Sitting alone in my room, I could hear my mom and Joshua talking downstairs. Josh had just returned from my dad’s place, and I had been too sick to go. So far that day, I had managed to control myself a little bit. I’d only been sick twice.

My hands were shaking, and I was still petrified. The entire prospect was daunting and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t even know if was being healthy enough, or if I was getting enough sleep.

All I knew was that before I could even thinking about the prospects, I needed to talk to Matt. I needed to know what he was thinking – how he was thinking. I needed to know if he still loved me.

I had no idea how mad he would be with me – or even more so at himself. He still blamed himself for that night when we were visiting family in Vegas, and as many times as I had told him not to, he couldn’t help himself.

As I sat there, running everything through my head, I could hear my mom’s footsteps coming up the stairs. And, from the manner in which she did so, it seemed to me that she had something to say. They seemed sort of heavy, and so I guessed something was on her mind.

Me, of course.

She stopped outside of my room and knocked on the door, to which I told her to come in. The atmosphere immediately became somewhat awkward and tense as she stood in the doorway.

“How are you feeling, baby?” she smiled down at me as I sat on my bed, ill.

I shrugged. I didn’t really feel like talking. All I wanted was Matt. I just wanted him to call me and tell me that everything was going to be okay and that we could just work everything out together. The more I thought about that, the more depressed I got.

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