Finvarra's Circus

6- Try and Say Goodbye (Part One)

Leanna's eyes snapped open. A suspended moment, and then awareness swooped in like a bird. She no longer fell. It took her mind an added second to realize this, that she was not dead and could in fact fully feel her body, however numb it proved to be. Shocked, she looked down. The sawdusted ground was still a distance away... where Ellie stood with sparkling eyes, Kioyo beside her with a matching grin. Leanna gasped. It occurred to her then that only one person could have caught her.

Drawled by shock, Leanna turned to the black vest her fingers clutched. Lifting her eyes, she met the midnight eyes of her savior. A smile curved the Raven's full lips, the softness of his eyes similar to the smooth planes of his face. Leanna's mouth took to an agitated twisting for words that simply would not come. Jin chuckled, and on the ripple of his laugh waved luminous black wings once, twice to the beat of Leanna's heart—or rather, to the memory of her heart as she could no longer feel it. The tips of each feather glittered, slicing a streak of light in the blackness of the tent.

The cool breeze of their ascent nipped at Leanna, and she curled closer to the bare chest of this man-bird who nestled her as a young. When Jin's talons tapped a hollow tune on the wooden platform suddenly, Leanna held on still. What if it were all a dream? What if she were to open her eyes and find that she still fell? She shuddered, and against all proprieties dug her nails deeper into the soft leather.

Jin knelt down and released Leanna gently onto the stand, whispering melodic words of comfort above her head. It was the kind of sound that soothed, a crackling fire on a cold winter's day. A small gust fanned then, and a soft hand brushed Leanna's hair from her cheek. Hesitantly, Leanna unearthed her head from the crook of Jin's neck to see Ellie kneel beside them. With a smile, Ellie offered her hand for Leanna's taking and nodded once. Leanna swallowed and hesitantly took hold.

"That a girl," Ellie whispered, rising evenly with Leanna, never letting go of her hands. For this Leanna was grateful, as her heart was no longer the only untrustworthy part of her being. Her legs wobbled uncontrollably.

Leanna tried desperately to clear the fog of her mind, to at least find the words to say thank you. Only tears unfolded. After her frustrations ran dry, she apologized for her crying.

"You've made me a very wealthy man, Miss Weston. There is no need to apologize," Jin said kindly. He gestured down, to where performers filed into the gallery seats and explained, "They all thought you wouldn't have the nerve to cross. I knew better."

"We both did," said Ellie, her quiet voice like that of a timid child. If Finvarra's voice was the moon, Ellie's was the faithful star at its side. She pressed a cold palm to Leanna's cheek. "You, my dear, did a brave thing and have nothing to apologize for, much less cry about."

"I hardly call falling while screaming like a baby, brave." Leanna lowered her head away from Ellie's touch, ashamed. She scrubbed a hand over her face, futilely wiping away any tears as they would only keep falling. "I suppose Finvarra has changed his mind in seeing how hopeless I am, hasn't he? And now you won't get to leave—not that I was prying, but I know you wanted to go back home. Now I've ruined that. Please believe me, I never meant for this! All I wanted was to see the circus, never to be a part of it! I explained to Kioyo that I couldn't do this, but he just wouldn't listen... and Finvarra, he thinks I'm a troll, and a liar, and the lions—and the wire, and I can't—" Leanna broke her nervous ramble, burying her face in her hands with an angry, frustrated sob as Ellie rubbed her back in small circles. She coiled into herself wishing in earnest for magic to make her smaller. She'd only just arrived, and had ruined everything!