Chapter 77

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My hands began to shake as the tie progressed as I stood locked away in the toilet. I didn’t know if I’d even be able to hold myself together if I tested positive. I wouldn’t know what to say to Vicki – or if I’d even be able to say it out loud.

Telling Matt would be beyond difficult. I actually began to wonder if telling him at all would even be worth it. If I was pregnant – there was no way I could keep it. Matt probably wouldn’t even want to stay with me.

It would compromise far too much.

As my mind began to wander, I brought it back to reality. The minute must’ve nearly been up – although I wasn’t exactly timing it. I stared long and hard at the pregnancy test, waiting to see if something would come up. I knew that it was due, and that it needed to hurry up for the sake of my sanity.

Had there been other people in the restroom, they’d have probably guessed what was going on.

My hands began to shake even more so than what they had already been doing and I began to feel even more sick than I had been for the previous week or so. My stomach was beyond energetic and almost seemed to writhe with cramps.

I began to tap my foot impatiently, waiting for something to appear on the stick itself. I almost wanted to snap the stupid thing – it actually made me so angry. If I had been at home, it would have been long thrown over to the other side of the room by then.

It must have been a minute – in fact, it had to be. I wondered if it was because I was physically glaring at it. I knew these sorts of things always took or at least seemed longer if you watched them.

I resolved that I would look away as it began to work, and ended up taking my phone out of my pocket to stare at the screen of that instead. The minute still seemed to drag longer than I had ever before experienced, and as I realised that it was probably over, I realised that I was going to have to look down at the test.

I didn’t really want to, and couldn’t bring myself to do so. I instead stood, glaring at my phone as my head tried to will me to look into my other hand.

I knew that had Vicki been in there with me she’d have physically made me stare at it.

And then I did it. I swallowed hard and began to regulate my breathing. I closed my eyes as I turned my head away from the phone and over to my other hand where the test was. I squeezed my hand and refused to look down. I couldn’t.

I squeezed my eyes tightly and couldn’t simply bring myself to open them. It was probably the most important thing of my life so far that I was ever going to have to look at – and the result of the test could possibly ruin my life.

Just as I was about to open my eyes, I felt a vibrating come from my other hand – my phone. I answered it without checking the caller I.D, simply assuming that it was Vicki, wanting to know why I was taking so long.

But, as my shaky voice sounded, “hello?” I realised that it was not at all Vicki.

Under more usual circumstances, I would have been happy to hear Matt’s voice, but that was not the time or the place and I could feel myself panicking, trying not to look down into my other hand.

“Hi, Matt” I laughed nervously, trying to talk quietly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing” he sighed, “just calling to see that you’re okay. But I gather that you really aren’t. You sound awful, Charlie, what’s wrong?”

I tried to hold in my tears. “Everything’s fine, Matt” I choked.

“No, it’s not” he frowned. “Just tell me what’s going on. I can hear it in your voice. And why are you whispering?”

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