Chapter 20

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As Sunday evening rolled around the reality of their weekend weighed down on them. Sam stood in the kitchen of the flat making a drink staring off into space as he thought.

These few days with Connie made him realise that the part of him that loved her outweighed the piece of him that wanted the long happy future with Emma. He knew it wasn't going to ever be easy, especially when they both wanted the good life with their own relationships.

He dropped his eyes to his mug of coffee that was slowly going cold before him. Connie came wandering out of his bedroom slowly to see him with a vacant expression on his face. Leaning against the wall she watched him beginning to feel the guilt of putting him in this position.

Sam eventually lifted his eyes noticing Connie leant against the wall wearing nothing more than her underwear and his shirt loosely buttoned over the top. His eyes raked over her body almost involuntarily and Connie could feel his gaze burning into her.

She pushed away from the wall wandering closer to him as he twisted to let her step into his arms. "I'm sorry." He frowned as she rest her head to his chest. "What are you sorry for?" "Making you doubt everything." He scoffed shaking his head as she looked up to him. "You've not made me doubt anything, more clarified what I want."

A part of Connie worried about what it was he wanted but in that moment it wasn't what she wanted to focus on. Sam pushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Connie dropped her gaze unable to look at him. Whenever she was with him she felt so exposed, as though everything she'd ever said or done was on show.

Sam placed a hand beneath her chin tilting her gaze back up. "Hey... I think you wear my clothes better than anyone I've ever seen." She smirked unwillingly as he bent down brushing his lips against hers. Connie felt the air leave her lungs as he kissed her softly, his fingers tracing over her back beneath his shirt.

When she was with Sam it felt like everything slipped into place. She tried to memorise every touch in case it was the last time she'd experience this feeling with anyone. Sometimes she wandered why they fought this and didn't just give in to whatever this was. But with each time she did, the reminder of her love for someone else crept back in.

Their lips parted from one another as Connie dropped her head again. Sam pushed his lips to her forehead, resting there for a moment. She reached for his hand letting their fingers weave together while she looked down at their hands entwined. "Do you ever wish we hadn't met?"

Sam looked to her considering his answer. "No, I don't... If I had never of met you, then I don't think I would have ever truly known what it felt like to love someone." Connie looked to him as he ran his fingers across her cheek. "Why do you?" She bit back the threat of tears as she nodded.

"Sometimes I wish I'd never met you because it would save me so much pain." Sam loosened his grip on her hand to place his hands either side of her face. "Sometimes I wish I had never known you because then we would never be in a position where we had to choose like this." Sam shook his head caressing her cheeks seeing the glassy shine to her eyes. "Sometimes I want everything to be simple and when I'm with you it is until I remember that this isn't how it is."

Sam watched the tears roll down her cheeks as she opened herself up to him. He took hold of her hand and walked towards the living room sitting down on the sofa, pulling her down to sit across his lap. She lifted her legs onto the sofa as he wrapped an arm round her waist while the other traced across her thigh.

Connie let her head fall to his chest as she listened to his breathing. "I can't believe I've done this after how I acted with Greg." Sam let his fingers fall carelessly through her hair. She sighed lifting a hand to her face. "He didn't love her though..." Connie lifted her head beginning to speak. "You've got a pretty high opinion on my feelings for you."

He laughed at how she could be so sarcastic even in the mood they were in now. "Well, how could you not love this?" She laughed at him as she lay a hand to his chest. "Of course there's a place in my heart for you... I just haven't worked out where that is."

They remained sitting together for a while before Sam took a deep breath. "Come on... What do you say to putting a film on and falling asleep together?" She smiled slightly standing up as he moved from beneath her.

Moving through the flat, Connie sat on the edge of the bed watching him. "I'm sorry today took a slight turn in how you probably wanted to spend it..." "Don't be ridiculous. At least we both know where we stand with each other now. It makes this kind of easier." She nodded as he sat down on the bed looking to her. "But now please can you come over here and lay with me?"

Connie couldn't help but smile as she undid the buttons of his shirt and slipped it off, moving across the bed to fit into his side. They began to watch a film but were both asleep within minutes after a lazy but hectic weekend. Neither wanted to leave the other in the morning but it was inevitable, and sure enough life would return to normal as much as it could after this.

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