turnpike

iv

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Two days pass before I hear from him again.

What surprises me the most isn't the fact that he's texting me at all, but the time of day he's doing it. I'm not used to seeing his name appear before the sun sets.

Come over. Bring your chem textbook. Don't eat dinner.

I don't realize how long I've been staring down at the screen until Ashleigh is waving a hand in front of my face. I look up, confused and unnerved.

"Something wrong?" she asks, picking her fork up from the edge of her plate. "You look a little spooked."

I shake my head and move to slip my phone back into my purse. My hands are trembling, and I knock the tote off the back of my chair in the process, watching it fall to the sticky dining hall floor. I'm quick to pick it up and examine it for any damage, but from what I can see, it's perfectly fine. I can only hope the same goes for the items inside, but I can't focus enough to look.

"I have to go," I say, clearing my throat in an attempt to steady my voice. "My roommates are having drama again and I need to break it up before it ends in disaster. You remember what happened last time, right?"

This is the best lie I can come up with on the spot, but luckily, it works. Ashleigh knows the two girls I live with can barely get along, let alone live together, because I've been complaining about it to her since August. Still, I feel a pang of guilt for bailing on our get-together. It's been at least a month and a half since we've seen each other outside of class, and even longer since we've actually had a moment to talk.

Ashleigh looks disappointed but nods understandingly. "I remember. Didn't one of them have to get stitches?"

"Yeah. Never got the blood out of the rug either."

"Gross," she giggles, scrunching her nose. She looks adorable doing this, and there's no denying the smile she offers next is stunning. "But still, it was great seeing you, brief as it was. You always brighten my day."

I try to smile back, but I know it's weak in comparison to hers. Everything about me is. She's cute, bubbly, and above all, she's kind. I'm anything but. It's a fact that hits me hard and low in the gut. 

I'll never be as good as her, in every sense of the word. I'm a liar, a cheat, and an ugly bitch, both inside and out. It's no wonder no one but him wants me, and even that's debatable.

"You too, Ash," I tell her, hating the mix of emotions swirling in my chest. "This was fun."

"Seriously, you should have rushed with me and the rest of the girls back in freshman year," she sighs. "Then we wouldn't be apart so much. Whatever, too late now, I guess!"

She speaks as if rush was something that would have worked out for me. I didn't do it because I couldn't see myself getting bids from a single sorority. I couldn't see anyone—or really, an entire group—liking me enough to accept me into their ranks. And that was even if I made it to bidding; just the idea of showing up somewhere to be judged is straight out of my nightmares. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to take a single step into any of their townhouses.

"Definitely too late," I chuckle. It's forced, but it'll do.

She perks up a bit at my laughter, and I recognize the gleam in her eyes. "Hey, you wanna come with me to a party on Friday night? Maybe grab dinner before and do some more catching up?"

I nod distractedly as I feel my phone buzz again inside of my purse. He's getting impatient.

"Yeah, sounds like fun," I answer quickly. "Just text me the details."

"Awesome!" She seems genuinely excited about our plans. "Ooh, maybe we'll even find you a cute Pi Sig to hook up with, yeah?"

I can feel my ears turning red, but the worst is the way my stomach drops. The only thing I can think is oh God, she knows.

But she doesn't. No one does, because that's the way he wants it, and that's how it's going to stay.

I take care to cover up my fear with disgust. "Don't tell me it's one of their parties," I say, lip curling and heart pounding. "You know how much I hate going to frat parties."

"Oh, just suck it up," she teases me, somehow buying the act despite my lack of talent. "Plus, Callie will be there, and it's been so long since we all hung out together. You know what, I should just invite her to dinner with us. That cool?"

"Totally," I lie, clutching the tote closer to me. "How is Callie anyway?"

I don't know why I'm asking, because I'm not supposed to care. At least, that's what he tells me.

Ashleigh shakes her head and glances to the ground, that familiar smile fading away. "Not so great," she murmurs, looking back up. "I don't know if you heard, but she and her boyfriend broke up."

I feign shock, the hatred for myself growing by the second. "That's crazy, I had no idea."

"Right? It totally came out of nowhere," she agrees enthusiastically. "I seriously thought they would go on to get married someday. Who knows, they still might if they get back together, but I don't know... according to her, it seemed pretty final."

The phone buzzes again.

"Why'd they break up?" I press. If I can't get answers from him, maybe someone else will tell me.

"Apparently she caught him flirting with one of our sisters," Ashleigh explains, "and it wasn't the first time. Plus, there have been some rumors going around that he's hanging out with some girl from another sorority. I think her name is Shannon or Sharon or something." She pauses for a moment to think, then snaps her fingers. "Shelby! That's it!"

I shake my head, but commit the name to memory. "Never heard of her."

"Not surprised. You only know us Delta Rho girls." She shoots me a wink, but the humor soon fades. "Crap, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you. I know you need to get back to your roommates."

"I really do," I say, pulling my purse onto my shoulder as I climb to my feet. "See you Friday?"

The irrational jealousy is back when she smiles, but I'm used to the feel of it. "It's a date!"

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