15 | Bad habits

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I sit in the depth of the freezing cold pool and it numbs all my senses. -including my emotions. It feels so calm and quiet, you can't hear anything but your heartbeat, slowing down. The slight noises of the party music is heard but it's silent, enough to think about what's really going on. I close my eyes and stay there for a bit underwater until I nearly run out of breath. It feels so soothing and comforting that I don't want to move. Maybe I should stay. But there's a splash and tiny bubbles float around. I see a figure toward me, then my arm is yanked up and I return to the surface.

'I walk out here for fresh air for one minute and I see her in the bottom of the pool', he yells.

'Just let me sleep', I cry and bring my arm over my heavy eyelids.

'What the hell were you doing there! Who knows one more second and you could have been dead', Harvey says.

I open my eyes and sit upright. Water drips down my face and I push my hair behind me. Walking towards the fence, I sit down on the cool grass.

He leaves and goes back into the house.

I silently sob, my tears dripping even more down on my wet face. I feel miserable and sick. Like I'm trapped here but somehow I'm free.

I look up and see Harvey, holding a blue towel and wraps it around me.

'Seriously Lo! What were you, oh hey, hey don't cry' his voice tones down as he hears my sobbing.

'Nothing, I just wanted to. To feel something', I sob and throw the towel at him.

He crouches down and sits next to me.

'Tell me what happened', he softly speaks and grabs the bottle of vodka on the ground.

'Damn it's all empty'.

'Sorry', I giggle and pull the grass on the ground.

'Don't tell me you drunk all of this'.

'Yep the whole bottle', I sheepishly say.
He turns to look at my face. I could see his features so closely. I've never been this close to him before. He has a prominent nose, his hair is still wet from the pool and i notice that his eyes have a little yellow tinge from the brown.

'Don't tell me you tried to kill yourself', he asks.

'No! I'm not stupid like that', I angrily state and cover my eyes with the back of my hand.

'I just want to get away sometimes', I smile back and think of Jaydin. How he just kissed me and in that moment everything was perfect. It felt so wrong but why did it feel so right. I felt like all my problems were disappeared and it was so amazing to be honest.

Why is he so hard to read. I never know what he's thinking or what he is feeling.

'I wish I can too', Harvey smiles.

'So you and Spencer huh', he says.

I flinch at the thought of his name.

'There is nothing between us', I strongly say. I face away from him and look toward the house.
'Bullshit'.

'He's a major dick and plus there's nothing between us', I scoff.

'Does that mean I can hit on you now', he snickers.

'Seriously', I groan.

'I did just save your ass before', he adds in.

'Okay okay jeez', I admit.

'But seriously I thought you and Spencer were kinda a thing', he shuffles his feet.

'I don't want to talk about it anymore just SHut up!', I scream and grab an orange pill bottle from my jacket on the ground and swallow a couple. Doing the exact opposite of what Jaydins told me too.

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