Serendipity >> l.p. a.u. [COMPLETED]

Chapter 31

"No Harry, it's not! That's what I did, for the first 20 years of my life. This is the real me, this is who I've always been. And I would be a liar to say that I miss the times we were together, because I don't. I don't miss the way I would mask myself."

"Okay, so perhaps you've found the real you now." Harry retorted. "That doesn't mean I'm different, I'm still the same me. I'm still the Harry that you fell in love with and don't try to deny it because I know you loved me, I know it.." His voice was shaky, he was holding back either rage or tears. "If you say you're the real you now, then give me the chance to get to know her, I deserve that. Carter you made me happier than anyone else in the world, and even if you're different now you still do that. Come back to me Carter. I'm begging you."

"Harry, I can't. You don't understand."

"I understand that you were the first girl I ever loved and that means something to me. How many times did we plan our future together? And you're going to tell me that means nothing to you now?"

"Stop, just stop it!" I screamed, ending the call before I could make out his protests.

I immediately turned my phone off, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision. Letting out a frustrated scream I chucked my phone at the wall, not caring if it broke or not.  I pulled my knees to my chest and hid my face, shoulders racking with sobs. How could Harry do this to me? I had a happy day, probably the best day of my life, and then he drops this bombshell on me. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be normal, to date Liam and become his girlfriend, finish Uni this spring, get a job, to be normal. And then this had to happen.

With a few sniffles, I looked down beside me and saw the ring lying on the carpet. I took a few deep breaths and picked it up slowly, raising it to my face. I couldn't count how many times I had seen this ring, hoping that one day it would be on my finger, signifying Harry and I being together forever. That had been the plan way back when. But now everything has changed.

Something Harry said though kept resonating in my mind. People don't change. A part of me believes that. That who you are at one point in your life is who you will always be, and who you've always been. You can convince yourself otherwise, but you can't really change your heart or mind. Perhaps...perhaps this person I am now is the real mask. Could I possibly be so blinded by this new adventure I'm on that I've convinced myself this is me?

I grew up with Harry, he knows me inside and out. And if he says I haven't changed...maybe he's right. 

Maybe the girl that fell in love with Harry Styles is the true version of myself. The insecure control freak that plans things and listens to mainstream music so she fits in, who wants to be a teacher because there's no way she could ever make it as an artist, she's not good enough. Who depends on everyone else around her because she's too imperfect to do anything right herself. If that's who I used to be, is that who I still am underneath this facade? 

And if that's true, then I'm being a terrible person now. To convince my friends here in Kingsville, to convince Liam that I'm this confident girl with spontaneity and wit is just stringing them along. And then when all the bad parts - all the real parts - of me come out, they'll be so disappointed. They'll have wasted so much time on me. I can't do that to them, I won't.

I slowly stood up, my legs shaking as I went to retrieve my phone. Sure enough, it was broken. The screen completely shattered. Oh well. It's not like I was going to call anyone anyways. I decided to shut my brain off to numb the pain of what I was going to do next, my mind going blank in the process. I focused on nothing, thought about nothing and no one while I gathered some necessary belongings. Then I grabbed a piece of paper, scribbling some words on it hastily and taping it to my front door. I darted out of my apartment, car keys in hand without a second glance.