Isak felt like the night will never end..Even wasn't sleeping peacefully..he was mumbling, turning around, but always cuddled back to Isaks hug. Isak had a feeling he heard him whisper he loves his a few times..
When morning finally came Isak had a feeling he didn't sleep for years. He watched over Even the whole night not closing his eyes at all..and now he was soooo tired..and still so afraid..he didn't know how Even will be when he wakes up..
'i'm sorry Isak'
Isak turned back to Even seeing his scared eyes, black circles and completely pale skin color.
'i'm sorry..please let me explain '
'what is there to explain? i found you in a company of people who never really cared for you.. smoking..there is nothing to explain..the picture is cristal clear..'
'no it's not..can i just explain please'
Even started crying while speaking..panic was taking over again, he was loosing over it and since Isak didn't want to listen he knew nothing good is going to happen.
Isak felt almost the same as Even, he felt how stiff Even became, he heard panic in his voice and he saw the pain in his eyes..He knew this was not bringing anything good so he touched Evens cheek, kissed him softly on his forehead and said 'ok i'm listening '
Evens eyes lit a bit and he started talking straight away, like he was afraid Isak would change his mind.
'when i saw my old school mates coming toward me i knew i can't hide i didn't want their company but i knew that they will come to me sooner or later .. we talked for a while and then we went out..before i realized they were smoking and when you came and saw me i was just handing joint to guy next to me..without smoking..i..i didn't smoke..i never would..i promised you..and i would never break that promise..they were passing it in circle and they thought i still smoke..i didn't want to explain so i just took it and was planning to pass it on..and then you came..and i'm so sorry '
Isak felt like the world collapsed. After Even explained he felt like it was all his fault. He should have listened..
He should have listened..He started looking around for pants and hoodie..he needed fresh air. He needed time to rethink everything through..
'Isak..what are you doing?..Isak talk to me..what's wrong? Evens voice trembled and tears came back. 'Isak please'
'i'm sorry Even..im so sorry..i'm just not good for you'.
Isak turned around still putting his clothes on almost running.
'Isak..Isak waaaait'
Even got out of bed kicking bedspread of him..he was so confused and afraid he didn't know what he was doing. He found a hoodie and shoes and ran after Isak.
He looked around and after some time found him sitting on a bench away from the cabins.
When he came closer he saw Isak in a pretty bad shape. He set next to him, so close their bodies touched. He knew words were not priority right now so his hand found Isaks hand and their fingers started writing a story.
After what felt like a life time Even felt how Isaks body relaxed so he knew it was time to talk.
'i don't know where you got the idea of you not being good for me, i only know i never want to hear that again! i love you and you love me and we can survive anything! and i'm sorry to let you feel this way.'
Isak stayed quiet..but he felt relieved..he knew now Even is fighting for him..he was so stressed after Even explained..all of a sudden he realized he made a terrible mistake and something bad could have happened. Something bad to Even. He was doing everything he could to make sure he is ok and yesterday he almost destroyed everything.
'are you ok? how do you feel?'
Even looked at him confused 'i ran after you only half dressed because you weren't ok and you ask me how i feel?'
Isak checked Even and finally smiled 'you know you forgot your pants? but i like the idea of you running after me in your boxers.'
Before Even could answer Isak stood up saying 'i don't want you to catch cold' he held Evens hand and started walking back to the cabin.
They didn't say a word untill they were back in the room.
'you need to trust me more Isak. I know there are still unsolved things around my past, but you need to know that nothing that happened was your fault.. i smoked and drank because it was easier for me.. my thoughts weren't so loud when i was high..i knew all along i should have told you about me at that rave party.. i should have been honest why i am still with Sonja. I wanted to tell you how i feel.. seeing you with Emma.. i panicked..i had a fight with Sonja because i didn't want to go with taxi, just so i could stay with you..i was so ready to tell you everything.. but then you stood there next to me and my heart went crazy.. i couldn't concentrate.. that's how the aluminum leg came out.. i wanted to see you smile..i so wanted to kiss you and feel you in my arms.. so when Noora came i decided i will do it some other time.. i was planning to be alone with you before Halloween but Emma and Sonja made plans without asking.. i was making wrong choices.. i wasn't honest to you and it was killing me and smoking made me feel normal, made me forget about my illness..But since you decided to fight for me i don't need that anymore..but you need to trust me'
Isak stepped infront of Even, so close their noses touched, his hand straight to Evens hair and looked him in the eyes 'there is so much i still have to learn..i trust you but i need some patience to..everything is new to me and i'm trying so hard not to screw this up'
'stop trying and be yourself.. i know you are my soulmate and we will work things out because i will fight for this forever..i will fight for us..but i need you to always talk to me when there is something on your mind..i need you to know that there is nothing that would scare me away.. and it will be easier if we talk honestly about everything that happens '.
'i can do that..i can be honest..can i be honest now?'
While Isak was saying that he was already kissing Evens neck, hands under his hoodie..
'you can..'
'honestly i don't know why we are still standing in the middle of the room when bed is calling us'
Even started laughing walking toward bed saying 'i just love your honesty '.
